The Flower in Bloom
by sarenelsoria
Summary: Lily casts a spell one night that causes her to find her soulmate and learn that James Potter gave her a love potion. She discovers that her soulmate is Severus Snape and tries to get to know him better after not seeing him for seven years. Even when your souls are meant to be together, love was never easy. Fallow Lily as she finds herself and finds love.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Lily Potter wondered as she caressed her seventh month pregnant belly she had decided to have a girl's night. It wasn't as though she could drink and while her friend got increasingly tipsy as the night wore on, she remained sober.

"Come on Lills, th'res dis spaal I wan' ya ta cast." She stared at her friend Megan, who after she drank about a pint started to have a slur to her speech. A slur that only got worse with time. "eef ou don' den I wheel!" She said and laughed.

"Oh alright what spell is it?" Lily asked and the girl took a paper from her pocket and handed it to Lily.

"'ere ou go Lils." Her friend said and patted Lily's hair.

"It won't hurt the baby will it?"

"Ieed nefer 'urt 'ittle 'ary." Her friend said and smiled at Lily. "Jus' say it okay?"

Lily frowned, if she didn't trust sober Megan more then anyone, she wouldn't be doing this spell. "Animaveritas." Lily cast the spell and felt as though she'd been hit over the head. Suddenly she remembered Potter staring at her as she drunk something in seventh year. Something that had obviously made her love him, when she didn't even like him. Even though they had been together for four years, she couldn't allow herself to continue a relationship built on a lie. Not to mention the fact that when the spell was cast, all her previous feelings of love for Potter were gone. He was a ponce and he never seemed that interested in what she was saying. She felt herself becoming increasingly angry at Potter and took several deep breaths as to not do anything rash.

However at the same moment in time a golden light filled the room for a moment, before Severus appeared on her dining room table. He was fast asleep and snoring with a nazal buzzing sound that she had thought adorable when Severus fell asleep in frount of her as a teenager. It had only happened a few times and only because Severus had been exhausted, never really being able to sleep properly with his father in the house. Now he seemed to be truly at peace for a moment, Lily gently caressed the face of her friend.

" 'ya need ta kiss him." Megan told Lily, pulling out a sobering potion and gulping it down. "It will break the spell."

"How did you know to counter the love potion?" Lily asked.

"Lily my girl, you don't go from hating to loving a bloke overnight. I knew there was something right dogey there and decided that you needed some help. Sorry that it took as long as it did."

"That's alright, I know you tried to find something as fast as you could. Thank you Megan."

"Don't go thanking me yet, Lily dear. You see that in order to release you from Potter's hold, I had to bind you to another. At least this time round its your soulmate and I might add a man that would do anything for you. The spell gives a person their soulmate, no matter where they might be, past, present or future. I plan to use it myself in a little while, after I move in and everything. Though Severus here won't waken till you kiss him.

"Lily flower, I'm home." James said coming out through the fireplace.

"Go away James I want a divorce! You used a love potion on me, how could you?"

"Lily...I..." James said.

"Go away now, or Harry will grow up knowing that his mother hexed off his father's bits. I will file for papers in the morning." She said and James looked stunned as she took out her wand, his face paled and he made a dash for the fireplace. "Now Megan I think you should be going home."

"Alright Lily, I know you need some time to figure out what to do next. Just know that I'm here for you Lily."

"Thank you Megan." She said and watched as her friend left. She then turned to Snape, seeing the dark circles under his eyes, she didn't have the heart to wake him up. Instead she gently levitated him over to the couch and covered him with a blanket. She moved his hair back from his face and smiled. Lily turned off the light and left the room, going to the guestroom, she couldn't stand to be near the bed she and James slept in. She felt tears come to her eyes and started to cry, she felt overwhelmed by everything that was hapening in her life. After some time, she stopped crying and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Lily woke up, wondering for a moment why she was lying in the guest bedroom and then she remembered. She sat bolt upright in bed and winced as Harry kicked in her stomach. She was really glad the morning sickness was over with at least. She smiled rubbing her stomach. "I guess your hungry little man, lets go get something to eat." She told him and smiled, she loved being pregnant, feeling her son move inside of her was wonderful. She got up and walked into the kitchen, she didn't really want to think about much of anything at the moment. Not James and certainly not Severus, but she knew that she would have to wake him soon. As for James, she needed to file for a divorce, but right at the moment what she really needed was a good English Breakfast.

She got out the pots and pans and started to make it. She enjoyed cooking, maybe because to her it was like potions making and potions were the first magic she had ever done. Under the watchful eye of Snape's mother Elieen she had learned how to properly brew, it was a heady experience for a young girl and it helped her in so many ways. She finished cooking and set two plates down, before going back to Severus. She found him as she had left him last night, although one arm dangled off the couch. She smiled and put it back on the couch, before staring in horror at the dark mark.

"Oh Severus, how could you?" She asked, but received no answer. Her childhood friend, the soul that was matched to her's was also bound to a madman. Tears sprung to her eyes and she had no idea what to do. Going to the fireplace she called out the address of Albus Dumbledore.

"Lily? What's wrong my dear?" Albus asked as Lily cried.

"James...Love potion...Severus...soulmate..."

"Dear I can 't understand you, here sit down and have a lemon drop." Albus said and Lily tried to stop crying she really did, but her little boy liked playing havoc with Mummy's emotions. "James said something about you getting a divorce today, but why? You need James, he will protect you and more over you love him. Tell me what is wrong?" He said.

Lily wiped her eyes and looked up at the Headmaster. "My friend gave me a spell that revealed my love's truth, I think that's what it meant anyway. Severus Snape appeared and I realized that James drugged me with a love potion in seventh year. Severus won't wake up till I kiss him, he's a deatheater and I don't know what to do." Lily said tears filling her eyes once more.

"Whatever Severus may be, or may not be... I do not believe that Severus Snape would ever hurt you. As for James, it might be better if you wait until after the baby is born to try to divorce him. I am afraid that the wizard world is rather backward in such instances as pregnancy. If you were to attempt to get a divorce now, they would either rule you heisterical because of the baby, or in James' favor. It is better to wait and divorce him once Harry is born." Albus said and Lily frowned, before she nodded, agreeing to what Dumbledore had to say. "Everything will work out in the end Lily, love is always worth the work and I find that people who discover their soulmates are seldom happy without them in the end."

"Thank you Dumbledore, for helping me." Lily said before using the floo powder to return home. She looked over to Severus for a moment, watching him sleep peacefully. Then she approached him slowly, gently pressing her lips to his in a kiss. His eyes fluttered and he grabbed her arm, his eyes snapping open and staring at her.

"Lily? I am so sorry Lily, I didn't realize the prophesy was about you until it was too late."

"Prophesy? What Prophesy?" Lily asked.

"You are in danger because of me, I don't blame you from taking me from home and bringing me here. Just before you do anything, please forgive me."

"Severus I am not going to hurt you, slow down and explain." She said and reached towards his hair, stroking it reassuringly.

"I overheard a prophesy, somehow a child born in late July is supposed to defeat the dark lord."

"What? No!" Lily said. "Not my Harry."

"Dumbledore said he would tell you, that you would be aware of the danger. Calm down Lily, nothing is going to happen to Harry, I won't let it." Severus said a fierce gleam in his eye.

"But you are a deatheater, how are you going to stop it when your master is the one that wants to hurt my baby?" Lily asked and Severus stared at her.

"Because Lily you have always come first in my heart, I can brew a potion that will cause you to go into labor a few weeks early. I know that you would feel guilty having Harry born premature. It is better that then, if Voldemort comes after him."

"You are right Severus, but I need you to promise that Harry will be alright." Lily said.

"I will do all in my power to insure he is." Severus said and blinked confused as he found his arms full of Lily. He held absolutely still not daring to hope that this was a dream, allowing to imagine for one moment that it was his child that rested inside of her. It mattered not that the child wasn't his and neither was the woman, he still loved her and he would protect her.

"Thank you Severus." Lily said and smiled up at him. "Are you hungry? Come eat some breakfast, I made plenty." She said and smiled at him shyly.

"Thank you Lily, but I think I must be on my way...How did I get here anyway." He asked and Lily blushed before telling him all that happened. "That bastard, wait Lily you and I are soulmates?" Severus asked a moment after the other information penetrated his mind.

"Yes Severus." Lily said and laughed at his dumbfounded look. "I thought that we might try to get to know each other better. Yet here I am bringing you nothing but trouble. I am afraid that I might have to ask for a favor, you see I never really had a job. James thought that I shouldn't work towards a degree because he wanted me to stay at home with whatever children we might have. I was so blinded by my love for him that I agreed."

"It is alright Lily, you can come stay with me, if that is what you are asking. there have been instances where soulmates have only been friends. good friends but friends none the less, I have never stopped considering you my friend Lily and friends help each other in tight spots.

"Really Sev? Thank you so much for understanding, after James I don't think I am ready for another relationship so soon."

"Lily no matter what happens, I want you to remember that I am not Potter. I will never hurt you like that."

She threw her arms around him giving him a peck on the cheek and causing them both to blush. "I'm sorry about that Severus, pregnancy makes me slightly manic. Pregnant witches have it even worse then their muggle counterparts, something to do with the developing magic it seems."

"I am fully aware of the tender state of pregnant witches." Severus said and was greeted with a light slap to his shoulder, he still winced.

"I have never been in a tender state , Severus Snape." Lily said and Severus stared at her before back peddling.

"Of course not, you are very strong. You never considered for one moment getting rid of Harry and that is admirable."

"Whatever James did or didn't do, Harry is my son. I love him as he deserves, not as a child of deceit but as my child. I know it might be hard to understand Severus..."

"On the contrary, I know about mothers being willing to do anything for their children. I was an unfortunate accident, that caused my mother to live with a monster for the rest of her life."

"Don't ever you say you were an accident Severus, you are a good man and you shouldn't see yourself that way." Lily said.

"Am I Lily?" Severus asked thrusting up his sleeve. "There are those that would see it differently."

"You made a mistake Severus. Everyone makes mistakes, but you know now that you were wrong to join him, don't you?"

"Joining him has brought me nothing but misery. I wish now that I hadn't, but you don't know what its like to be in Slytherin Lily, things are expected of you...Things that if you don't do them, you are considered anathema. I had nothing Lily and I was alone until Lucius Malfoy approached me. He offered me something Lily, something beside you ever had. That was to belong to something, other then myself. I felt what I was doing was right, he caught me at a bad time I'm afraid. I could not see...or would not see, that not all muggles were my father. I did not realize that Voldemort believed that in order to make his perfect world, he would have to destroy the current one."

"I don't think Voldemort believes anything anymore Severus. His behavior is highly erratic I think that he has become insane."

"To become insane, you would have to be sane in the first place. I have noticed that as well Lily, how could I not when I see him so often."

"Don't tell me you still go to meetings Severus."

"I have no choice Lily, if I were not to go, my days would be numbered." He told her. "I made my choice long ago, though it was a foolish one. At least now I can pass information on to Dumbledore, for whatever else he may be...He is the lesser of two evils."

"Oh Severus." Lily said and wrapped her arms around Severus. "Everything will be fine, somehow everything will work out." She told him and he felt tears come to his eyes for a moment, before dashing them away. Tears were a weakness and he had to be strong for Lily.

"I am glad that you have not lost your optimism, but I am afraid that I do not share it." Severus said. "Despite that, I promise you Lily that I will protect you to the best of my ability."

"I know you will Sev, you are the most loyal man I have ever met."

"Many would see otherwise Lily."

" Few would continue seeing another as a friend, let alone open their home to them; after five years of not speaking to each other."

"Lily..."

"Come and sit with me Sev, I cooked some food earlier and I really need something to eat." Lily said and he nodded, together they moved into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"This looks wonderful Lily." Severus said and smiled at her before taking a bite of his food. "It tastes wonderful as well."

"Thank you Severus." Lily said eating her own breakfast in a companionable silence. After they were done, Lily moved to her son's room. She started to pack up his things, before Severus intervened.

"Let me Lily, go sit in the rocking chair and tell me what you need. You shouldn't be using so much magic, its..."

"Bad for the baby, thank you Sev." Lily said and sat down in the chair telling him what to pack up and what to leave behind. Finally she stood so he could shrink the rocking chair as well. She then moved to the bedroom, pausing by the door.

"You don't need to go in Lily, I can just get your clothes. That's all you need from this room right?"

"Thank you Severus." Lily said as her stomach rumbled, he smiled reassuringly at her.

"We are almost finished, then we can go home and get you settled." He said and Lily nodded, he packed her things and took her hand. "I think that floo travel is the safest for the baby." He told her and gently escorted her to the fireplace, calling out his address they both disapporated. They arrived at Severus' childhood home and Lily looked around her.

"This place hasn't changed at all Severus, its awfully dreary." Lily told him and Severus shrugged.

"If you wish, we could change it a bit, make it seem more welcoming. I find that I don't care overmuch what my home looks like, as long as I have my books and a place to brew."

"You may not care Severus, but I do." Lily said, taking out her wand and transfiguring the living room. The walls changed from peeling wall paper to a nice shade of dark green and the carpet looked new again. Lily had also placed cushioning charms on the arm chair and sofa and made them look more presentable. In short it started to look more homey in a few minutes, then Severus had ever seen it. She smiled and put away her wand, before moving into the kitchen. She pulled open the fridge and frowned to see it empty, the cupboards were likewise bare of everything but china and silverware. "What have you been eating?" Lily demanded of Severus. "Never mind, come on we need to go shopping and get you some actual food. You can't live off of potions Severus, its bad for your health and I refuse to allow it." She said and took his hand. "Now where is the nearest grocery store?"

"I don't know." Severus admitted. "I usually just either drink nutritional potions or go into the Leaky Cauldron for meals."

"The Leaky Cauldron? Severus honestly you are hopeless. Come on then, lets cook a proper meal and none of that pub food either." She told him and marched him out to his father's ancient Buick. They drove together in relative silence, until Severus could find a grocery store. Lily got out of the car and he fallowed behind her as she picked up everything she needed.

"I'm thinking of making a chicken pot pie, would that be alright Severus?"

"That sounds lovely Lily." Severus said and smiled, as they went through the store together. They got everything they needed and Severus took the gorceries back to the car. They got into together and drove away from the store.

"Severus, we will have to stalk the fridge and pantry soon. I didn't want to do it today because its getting late and I am hungry, but I refuse to let you live with a fully stocked potion lab and an unstocked kitchen."

"Alright Lily." Severus agreed. "Would you like to listen to the radio, that is if it still works, I am not sure it does."

"That would be lovely thank you Severus." Lily said and he turned it on, letting Lily adjust it as he kept his eyes on the road. Soon Lily found a channel playing sixties music and sung along with it. Severus suddenly found himself wishing that he could watch her and the road. Yet he kept his eyes on the highway, enjoying listening to her sing. Lily wasn't a talented singer, in fact she was anything but, still Severus loved her singing. She seemed so free and happy when she sang, it made it seem more beautiful then any of the professional singers out there to him. He liked listening to her, as he drove the car home, allowing himself to wonder for the first time, what it would be like to have a wife. Allowing himself to pretend that it was his child she carried, if only for a moment. Then he turned down his street and found his house in the series of delapidated houses. He put the car in the garage and turned the radio off, Lily smiled at him as she got out of the car and walked inside.

Severus took the groceries to her in the kitchen. She had put on his mother's old apron and had started getting out the measuring tools. She looked towards him and spoke, "If you'd like to help Severus, you can start by washing the vegitables." She said and he nodded. She found his mother's old radio and turned it on, continuing to sing along with the music as she kneeded the dough.

They worked together and Severus found he liked having Lily beside him, he smiled as he worked finishing the vegitables and taking out a frying pan for the chicken and a pot of water for the vegitables. He cooked it part way and then turned to Lily as she did some complicated spell.

"When I do this, the dough doesn't have to set." Lily explained as she rolled out half of the dough and put it on the bottom of a pie pan. She then drained the vegitables and mixed them in a bowl with the cut up chicken. She set them into the pie and added mushroom soup. "I remember when Mum used to make this for us as a kid." She told Severus, as she rolled out the rest of the dough and put it on top of the pie. She put it into the oven and together they cleaned up. "Want to see what's on the telly while we wait for it to finish cooking?" Lily asked and Severus nodded, together they went into the living room and watched televison while they waited. Severus found that he couldn't keep his eyes on whatever program was on and instead watched Lily. He enjoyed watching her sit relaxed on his couch, laughing at whatever was on. She always had a way about her that captivated him. He hated to admit it to anyone, even himself but he was less guarded around her. Maybe it was because they had been children together, maybe because she knew all his secrets as a boy. He didn't really know, but he knew that he trusted her.

The timer went off and he hastily moved his gaze to the televison. "I'll go check on that, you wait here alright?" Lily asked and he nodded. She came back a few minutes later and smiled. "Its ready, do you want to eat in here or in the kitchen."

"I'd rather eat in the kitchen, if its all the same to you."

"I'm fine with that Severus." Lily said and smiled, they walked to the kitchen and sat down to eat together. They ate in silence, but it was a comfortable one, something that Severus was unused to growing up as he did. Silence in his house had always been the calm before the storm, but it wasn't that way with Lily. The clock chimed nine and Lily frowned. "Is it really that late?" She asked and yawned.

"You should go to bed, I will get the guest room ready." Severus said.

"Thank you Severus." Lily said and smiled at him, he stood and went up the stairs. He moved to the old guest room and cast a series of spells to make the room clean. She came up behind him and smiled. "It looks exactly as it did, when I was fourteen." She said and Severus blushed.

"If you need anything I will be down in the lab." Severus said.

"Thank you Severus, remember not to stay up too late." Lily said and he nodded.

"Yes mother." He said and Lily laughed at the familar jest.

"Go on, back to your cauldrons, I'm sure that they are pining for you." Lily said and he was genuinely startled when he let out a chuckle. It had been ages since he'd last laughed.

"I shouldn't let them pine any longer, goodnight Lily, pleasent dreams." He said and shut the door behind him. He walked down to his lab and spent the next several hours brewing, before casting a stasis charm on his potion and falling asleep around midnight.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Lily awoke to the smell of bacon, she yawned and stretched, before going into the kitchen. Severus stood by the stove cooking bacon and eggs. "I hope this is alright, I wanted to give it to you in bed, but..."

"It looks great Sev, thanks." Lily said and poured herself a cup of tea, she sat down at the table and smiled at Severus.

"No problem Lily." Severus said finishing cooking the meal and transferring it to two plates. He sat down across from her and started to eat. Lily looked down at the food, realizing that James had never bothered to prepare a meal for her. Tears welled in her eyes and Severus dropped the toast he had been about to take a bite of. "Lily what's wrong?"

"I just thought of James, I can't get him out of my head. It hurts to think about him, but I can't stop doing so. How could he have done this to me?"

"I do not know Lily, but look on the bright side, at least you are free now. You have filed for divorce papers haven't you?"

"I haven't, Dumbledore said that it would be better not to divorce James until after Harry is born. Otherwise he can claim that I'm heisterical because I'm pregnant."

"Dumbledore would suggest that, you need to file for a divorce at once. Don't give James time to plan, they might looking for a way to take Harry from you. Dumbledore must believe James to be more mailable, especially considering that he doesn't know of the pregnancy. Did Dumbledore seem surprised to you when you told him about James?" Severus asked and Lily thought back a moment, before realizing that Dumbledore hadn't seemed surprised by her accusations.

"Dumbledore knew." Lily said and felt her tears turn to anger. "How could he have known? How could he have done this to me?"

"I don't know Lily, but we will figure this out." Severus said. "I will protect you and Harry, I won't let them hurt either of you."

"Thank you Severus, you are a good friend."

"We can look in my library, there might be a potion in there to help us." Severus suggested and Lily nodded, they walked to Severus' living room together. "When I finished my apprenticeship my former master gave these books to me as a gift."

"These look amazing, I considered doing a potion's apprenticeship before..." She said and Severus saw the anger and sadness in her eyes. She had clearly been in denial earlier, but now the events were catching up to her. "I just can't believe that he did it."

"James always struck me as a selfish person." Severus said. "Then again most people are, including myself."

"Don't say that Sev, you opened your home to me, you are far from selfish. I've known you since you were a child. I might not know the man you have become, but I know now that people's natures don't fundamentally change. You are still the giving person I know you to be, even if you can't see it for yourself."

"I wish that I could see myself the way you see me." Severus said and Lily took his hand.

"I do too, maybe you will in time." Lily said gently, before picking a book at random and sitting in one of the chairs. Together they read until Lily grew hungry and looked to Severus. "Why don't you stay here and read some more, I will make us something to eat."

"Mmmhm." Was Severus' only reply as he scanned the pages, Lily laughed and left the room. Severus had always been hard to disturb, while he was reading. She went to the kitchen and looked through the food they had bought the day before. She decided to just warm up what was left of the pot pie they had eaten last night. She stuck it into the oven, letting it warm up for a while, before pulling it out and putting it in bowls. She then carried the bowls into the living room. She sat down next to Severus and handed him the bowl taking her own and starting to eat. It took Severus a moment to notice the food and when he did, he held the book in one hand, turning the pages with a spell as he ate. Lily watched him amused by how he didn't take his eyes from the book, before finishing the food and returning to her own book.

"I might have found something, but I am not sure that you will want to do it." Severus said to Lily."

"I'd be willing to try anything, if it means that Harry and I will be safe from James."

"It isn't something one enters into lightly, I think I would be willing to do it to protect you...At the same time, don't expect me to be good at this..." Severus said. "But if you want me to do it...I will."

"Do what Severus, what are you talking about?"

"There is a potion to change the paternity of the father, while the child is still in the womb. It would insure that James would have no claim on Harry, yet at the same time..."

"You can change who Harry's father is?" Lily demanded and Severus hesitated a moment before nodding. "But who would be his father."

"I would help you Lily, to make sure you and Harry are safe from James." Severus said and Lily stared at him a moment, awed by what he offered to her.

"Are you sure?"

"I am and it isn't as though either of us can't change our mind, after I start the potion." Severus said, but looking at the relief in her eyes, he knew that he couldn't stop brewing the potion. Lily needed him and he would do what she needed, he wished he knew why he always had to do whatever it took to make her happy.

"Thank you Sev, thank you!" Lily said, throwing her arms around him. "As much as I care about Harry, I don't want to look at him and be constantly reminded of what James did. I would much rather look at him and see my friend." Lily said and he reached an arm around her back, patting it gently. Severus had never really known what to do with displays of affection. Growing up as he had it was difficult for him to understand why someone would want to touch him as Lily did now.

"You are welcome Lily, now I will get started on the potion, it should take a few days to brew." He said and Lily let go of him.

"Thanks again, would it be alright if I stayed here and read some more?"

"That would be fine by me Lily, feel free to make yourself at home."

"Thanks Sev." Lily said and sat back in the armchair, resuming her page in the potion book. She read for several hours as Severus worked in his potions lab, before putting aside the book and going into the kitchen. She made spagetti for her and Severus and called him to the kitchen, when it was ready.

"I put a stasis spell on it that should last for several hours."

"I won't ever be able to repay what your doing for me, thank you Sev."

"It is the least I can do, if it wasn't for me...You and Harry would never be in danger in the first place."

"Sev that's not your fault, you believed that you were doing the right thing. No matter how misguided your actions might have been, even the best of us can be fooled into something we will later regret."

"Thank you for forgiving me Lily, I have not been the friend to you that I should have been." Severus said and wished he had never set foot into the Three Broomsticks.

"Neither have I Sev, I remember a young girl that lost her best friend, simply because he said something in anger." Lily said. "If I wasn't so stubborn, we would have rekindled our friendship much sooner."

"You had every right to be appaled by my actions Lily." Severus said and Lily patted him on the back.

"The fact remains that I wasn't there, when you needed me and that I regret." Lily said stood up, before starting to wash and put away the dishes. "Now go back to your potion, I can finish in here."

"Alright Lily, thank you for cooking it was very good."

"It was just tomato sauce out of a can and some noodles Severus." Lily said and laughed, hitting him with a dish towel. "Now go, before something happens to the potion."

"Very well, goodnight Lily, I doubt that I will go to bed before you retire for the evening."

"Night Sev." Lily replied and watched as he left the room. She went back to cleaning up the kitchen and then realized that she was in fact tired. She went to her rooms and got ready for bed, she turned off the light and fell asleep thinking about how despite everything Severus was still a good friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Over the course of the next few days, Lily didn't see Severus much. She always seemed to wake up after he went down to the lab and went to bed before he came out of the lab at night. She managed to make sure he ate at least, making soup and levitating it to him in order to avoid the fumes from the potion which might be harmful to her baby. Still she hadn't really seen him leave the lab at all and it was beginning to worry her.

She sat in an armchair facing the door to the potions lab, reading from one of Severus' potion manuals. She watched as the door opened and Severus came through it, holding a glass full of a potion. He looked terrible and Lily went over to him at once. "Are you okay Sev?"

"I'm fine Lily, I'm more then fine! I finished it, here." He said and handed her the glass, she looked at it for a moment, before downing it wincing at the taste.

"It tastes horrid." Lily said and stared at her stomach as is started to glow. The glowing only lasted a moment before fading. Harry then started to kick her a few times, she set her hand on her belly and stroked it gently. "Its alright Harry love, Mummy and Daddy are here." She said and gave Severus a brilliant smile. "Thank you Sev, because of you my Harry is safe." She said and wrapped her arms around him, before giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I want you to be a part of Harry's life."

"I wouldn't know how to raise a child Lily, I did this to ensure that Potter could never touch you again."

"You are not your father Severus, you are a good man. I am not asking you to raise our son, mearly to be a part of his life." Lily said and Severus nodded stiffly.

"I suppose I could do that, it would not be hard to be a better fath- role model to him then my own father was to me."

"You are Harry's father now, you have every right to claim him as your son." Lily said and Severus smiled slightly, he had always wanted a child with Lily growing up. Now however he felt daunted at the thought of another being being so dependent upon him. "It will be fine Sev, you will see...Now come and sit down, you look like you could do with a cuppa."

"I really should get started on the potion that will make you go into labor early."

"Just have a cuppa with me first, then you can get back to your potions alright?"

"Alright." He said and sat in one of the armchairs, she smiled at him, before going into the kitchen. She had been worried about Sev and so had stopped by an apothecary to get a sweet sleep potion. She knew Sev would work himself into exhaustion, if he had his way. So she had decided to help him in the only way she could. She heated the water with a spell and put the tea bags in the pot.

"Sev, I like my tea with milk and honey, would that be alright with you?"

"That sounds fine Lily, thank you." Severus replied and she added some of the sleeping potion to one of the cups along with a spoon filled part way with honey. She then took another spoon out for her own tea. She took out the teabags and poured the tea, before stirring it. She then cast a spill proof charm over Severus' cup and headed into the living room, she handed the cup to Severus and sat down across from him. She sipped at her own tea as Severus yawned and his eyes drooped.

"I must be more tired then I thought." He said and yawned again.

"You aren't in any shape to be brewing like that, come and lie down for a bit Sev." Lily said gently. "You will feel better after a bit of sleep." She smiled at him.

"I should drink this and get back to the potion." He said and Lily sighed.

"I can't change your mind?" She asked and he shook his head, she sighed and went back to drinking her tea. Severus took another few sips, before his eyes closed and he started to snore. Lily gently took the cup from his hands and levitated him onto the couch, knowing that he would sleep for several hours. She sat with his head in her lap and gently stroked back his hair. He clearly had applied enough potion protecter to it, as it hung limply. She cast a spell to remove the potion from his hair and gently stroked it, he sighed contentedly and she smiled. She summoned one of Severus' books to her and started to read it. An hour later, she felt a wave of tiredness, her eyes closed and she fell asleep. The book fell onto Severus' chest, when she dropped it.

Severus didn't stir for four hours, he opened his eyes and stared up at a mane of red hair and Lily fast asleep. He smiled ruefully, tasting the sleeping serum in his mouth and chuckling slightly at the thought that his sweet Lily had thought to drug him. Had it been anyone else, he would have been furious, but Lily never did anything duplicitus and he knew that it had been concern for him that had motivated her to do so. He had to admit that he did in fact feel much better then he had, before his impromptu nap. He got up slowly, as not to wake her and gently laid her down on the couch in his place. He then walked back into the lab and started to brew his next project.

Lily found him there when she woke up. "Sev you have got to stop being so single minded, its not that I don't appreciate it...But you are hurting yourself."

"Lily leave me to brew, you need this potion and I will insure that you get it. It is not necessary, nor is it needed for you to drug me. I assure you that I will endeavor to sleep more in the future." He said and Lily glared back at him.

"It was necessary, its obvious that you didn't sleep for long enough and that you have not been sleeping these past few days."

"I am a grown man and you are not my mother Lily."

"I may not be your mother, but I am your friend and I care that you are hurting yourself." Lily said. "If I have to spike your tea to insure that you catch more then a few moments sleep, I will. I assure you that I will do whatever necessary to insure that you are taking care of yourself. Sev, why can't you seem to understand that I care about you?"

"Why? Because as of a few days ago, you did not talk to me for over five years." Severus said.

"That was not because I stopped caring Severus, but rather because I thought that you would not me to talk to you."

"Why would you think that Lily, when you were my only friends."

"Friends do not call their friends horrible names."

"Well maybe if you can not forgive me for something done in anger five years ago, perhaps we are not friends." He said and Lily moved towards him. "NO! Do not come closer, the fumes might harm the child." He said.

"I am sorry Severus, I am sorry that I doubted you. I thought that you had found other friends in your own house and did not need me anymore." Lily said and Severus sneered.

"Oh really, or perhaps you didn't care. After all when has anyone genuinely cared for me?"

"I do care Severus..."

"Ah yes, but is that true feeling for me that you have, or is it how I might serve you?" Severus demanded.

"Severus how could you ask that? I have never asked anything of you..."

"You have not needed to, you need merely bat those green eyes of yours and I come running for more punishment." Severus said and Lily stared at him.

"You think of me as a punishment? Well then Mr. Snape, I will not be bothering you anymore." Lily said and started to storm away.

"Lily wait, Lily please come back, don't leave me alone again." It was not the voice that had come out in their fight, nor the demeanor he had shown towards her for these past days. Instead it was the voice of a child, plaintive and heart rending. Lily turned around and saw Severus standing over his cauldron. He was not crying, Severus never cried, yet to Lily who had known him well for years, it was obvious that he was distressed.

"I do not see why you want me to stay, but I will. After all, where else would I go? I am sorry that I argued with you Severus...You have been nothing but kind to me for the last few days and I repaid you by drugging you. I only did it out of worry for you, but I understand now that it was wrong of me. You know too well that once I get an idea in my head, I don't tend to let go of it easily." Lily said and Severus snorted, before adding an ingredient to the potion.

"That's one way of putting it." Severus said and sighed, before tapping his fingers against the stirring stick. "I know you were worried about me Lily, I am afraid that my temper gets rather short when I don't sleep well. I shall attempt to insure that I will allow myself to sleep, when the potion needs to brew for a while."

"Thank you Severus, I don't want you to harm yourself on my account." She said and he nodded stiffly.

"I will take better care of myself, if you do the same. You haven't been getting enough sleep either Lily. Not nearly enough to replenish yourself, from helping your son to build his own magical core."

"I will sleep more." Lily agreed. "If we are done with this conversation for now, what would you like to eat?"

"Whatever you prepare is fine, I should be able to help with more of the meals after the potion finishes brewing." He said and Lily nodded.

"I will see you in a little while then Severus." Lily said and went into the kitchen, she saw that she didn't really have any of the necessary ingredients for making any kind of soup and she didn't want to go to the store either. She wound up looking through the cupboards and found a can of tomato soup. She opened it and put it into a pot, stirring it gently until it started to bubble. She turned it off of the heat and poured some of the soup into a cup. She carried it to Severus' lab and levitated it to him.

"Thank you Lily." Severus said and Lily nodded.

"I will have to go to the grocery store soon, we are almost out of food." Lily said and he nodded in return.

"I will busy with the potion for the next week or two, depending upon how easy it is to brew." Severus said. "I can not accompany you to the store and you will have to go by yourself. You will find some pounds in the jar in the living room."

"Thank you Severus." Lily said before leaving, neither one of them got over a fight easily. They both were the type to pretend things were fairly normal. Until they could no longer avoid their anger, or that anger passed for a while. However that same anger increased in the interim.

Lily walked back to the kitchen, sat down and ate her soup. She cleaned up the pot and the bowl before going back to the library and sitting down with a book. She read for a time, before she saw the door to the potion lab open and Severus stepped out.

"I need to get some ingredients, I will be back soon." Severus assured her and she nodded, before returning to her book, thinking nothing of the conversation until several hours had passed and Severus had not returned. She began to worry for him, before Severus apparated into the living room shaking slightly. She rushed over to him and helped him to a chair.

"I have B-been away t-ta-too long. I na-need to ga-get back ta-to the pa-potion." Severus shuddered.

"Its only been a few hours Severus, your health comes first." Lily told him and summoned several potions to her, she forced them down Severus' throat. "He used the cruciatus curse on you, didn't he?" Lily asked. "Don't speak Severus, just nod if he did." Severus nodded and Lily's eyes welled up with tears, she continued to force feed him potions and handed him a glass of water, which he took shakily and drank.

"Thank you Lily, I feel much better now." Severus said and tried to stand, before shakily sitting back down. "I will be up in a minute."

"Sev, you need to rest, you were just tortured, it is alright you can work on the potion later."

"No I can't, it requires a certain phase of the moon." Severus said and took a deep breath before standing once more and walking back to the potions lab.

"That stupid stubborn man!" Lily said and glared at the door. "Severus whatever you may think, you are not invincible." She sighed, she couldn't read and she didn't have anything else to do currently. She wished that she had thought to bring something to distract her, Molly Weasley had taught her how to knit a year before, as she prepared for her own baby. Lily had seen a picture of the infant Ron Weasley and had been hoping to meet him soon, before everything had happened. She decided that it would be better to go shopping then to drive herself crazy by sitting and reading for too long. She loved reading, but she preferred to read spell books rather then potions manuals and Severus' collection consisted of mostly potion manuals.

She stood up and walked to the potion laboratory door. "Severus, I was wondering if I could buy some knitting supplies, while I am at the grocery store."

"You are welcome to do so Lily." Severus said.

"Thank you." Lily said and walked over to the jar Severus said held pounds. She was surprised at how much money Severus had actually stuffed into the jar. She hesitated a moment, before deciding to take it all and bring back the change. She went to the car, got in and drove to the grocery store. She got the food that she needed and asked about finding a knitting store. She was given directions to the next town over and drove to it. She picked out soft yarn in baby blue and black, she liked the way the two colors looked together and the baby she carried now was Severus' son. She picked out a book of knitting patterns and found some black alpaca wool. She decided to buy enough to make a sweater for Severus and was surprised at how much it cost. She paid for it and several pairs of knitting needles, glad that there was quite a bit of money left over. On impulse she bought some more wool to make a hat and scarf for Severus in black and green.

She smiled and left the store, she then drove back to Severus' house. She sat down in the chair and started to knit Severus' sweater. She hesitated a moment, before weaving in small spells for energy and clarity. She had decided to make it like a potion master's robe, complete with the high color that offered some protection against spilled potions. She added another spell, which would cause liquid to slide off the sweater, when it was spilled onto it. After that she had to add yet another spell to the sweater to insure it could be washed. She then started to work on the sweater, she didn't want to bother with all the buttons needed in a true potion master's robe. She was a quarter of the way through several hours later when Severus emerged from the lab.

"I have set my alarm clock, but could you wake me in a hour if I don't get up."

"Of course." Lily replied, Severus looked dead on his feet, she wished that she could brew the potion in his place, but knew she couldn't. He turned into his bedroom and she went back to her knitting, casting her own charm to alert her of the time. When fifty nine minutes had passed, she put down her knitting and waited. After Severus failed to arrive for five minutes, she went into his rooms. She smiled at the sight of him, he had clearly flopped onto his bed, without even bothering to take off his shoes. He lay face down and snored loudly. She gently shook him, before shaking him harder and then finally flipping him over onto his back and giggled when she saw that his mouth was wide open. However the potion needed his attention. "SEVERUS!" She bellowed at the top of her lungs and Severus' eyes snapped open, they appeared briefly panicked, before he saw Lily. "I'm sorry Severus, I forgot."

"It is alright Lily, thank you for waking me." Severus said and got to his feet. "It couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't, I'll sleep now and you can wake me the next time you can take a break." She told him gently. "You are clearly exhausted and you better had wake me, otherwise I'd feel even more guilty."

"Alright." Severus agreed and Lily left his room going to lie down in her own. She fell asleep soon after getting into bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The next week and a half passed in much the same way the previous days had. Whenever Severus had a break in the potion, he would get some sleep and Lily would try to wake him. Something that got increasingly harder to do, as he grew more tired. Finally both the potion and her sweater was finished and June turned into July.

Severus came back, excited and she smiled. She had used to love to see him like this, her dearest friend in his element. "Is the potion off the heat?" She asked.

"I just finished it Lily, it was so complex and hard to brew and I finished it."

"I knew you could do it Severus, you are a potion's master after all. Thank you so much for doing this for me, for doing all of this for me." She said and hugged him, his arms wrapped around her and she smiled. "You are the best friend anyone could ever have. Now go and get some sleep Severus, you haven't been getting anywhere near enough sleep lately." She said and he nodded.

"Make sure I don't sleep to long alright." He asked.

"If you want that, alright, but you look about ready to collapse. I don't know how many people could stand after the cruciatus curse, let alone brew. Your body still hasn't recovered yet and that is because you haven't allowed yourself to rest properly. You need to have a proper sleep Severus, otherwise it could even take longer to recover." She told him gently and he frowned, before he sighed.

"Alright, but stay with me?" He asked and she felt confused. "Your my best friend and you can stop me from having bad dreams." He explained.

"Alright, but I will leave once I need to sleep." She told him. "I think you should also eat something and use the bathroom, before going to sleep. You will sleep longer, if you aren't hungry or have to go to the loo."

"Yes little Mother." He said and Lily laughed.

"Rest and I will prepare a proper meal, instead of the liquid diet we've both been on."

"I don't want anymore soup, that's for certain." He said and she laughed. Her laughter was beautiful to him, he smiled at the sound of it. Surprised at the feel of a smile on his lips, he couldn't remember the last time he had genuinely smiled. He laid down across the couch and closed his eyes, listening to Lily cooking. She had never been quiet in the kitchen, or potion's lab. She was like a miniture tornado when she cooked, he smiled at the thought of ingredients being tossed all over and Lily standing in the center of the mess. He continued to listen to her for a few minutes, before he gave into his exhaustion and fell asleep.

Lily woke him, what seemed like only moments later, he groaned and turned over. Falling off of the couch in the process, Lily laughed as he looked indignant. "I am sorry Severus, but you just look so funny." She said and if it had been anyone else, he would have been furious with her. Instead he stood and wiced slightly. Lily summoned some bruise cream, before hesitating a moment. "Take off your shirt and I will spread this on your back." She offered and he reluctantly pulled off his shirt, he had always bruised easily and he appreciated Lily caring enough to do this for him. Her hands touched his skin and he couldn't surpress a groan. "I am sorry Severus, but it will be worse if we don't put the cream on you." She said, while Severus was thinking about Professor Slughorn naked and trying not to show how much her gentle ghosting of fingers affected him. Finaly the wonderful torture ended and Lily set down the bruise cream. "You can do your own lower half." She said and blushed.

"Thank you Lily." Severus said, taking the bruise cream and going into the bathroom, it took a few moments for him to finish what Lily had started. He was glad that she had thought of using the bruise cream, although he wished she had gone about it in a less torturous manner.

He moved back to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Lily set a plate in frount of him and he ate the food methodically, it was some sort of creamy pasta dish, but he was too tired to care what he ate. As long as it was hot and not soup, anything would have been alright with him. He managed to finish his meal, without falling asleep at the table. Although he found himself jerking awake a few times, as the last of the energy elixers left his system. He dragged himself up and walked to his bed, the hallway seeming a lot longer then usual. He laid down across the bed and fell asleep.

Lily finished cleaning up the kitchen and took the blanket she was working on into Severus' room, she smiled as she saw him already asleep on the bed. He hadn't bothered with his boots and she unlaced and took them off. She transfigured his brewing clothes into pajamas and levitated him for a moment, pulling off the blankets and covering him in them. She then returned to her knitting listening to Severus' snoring for a while, before it turned to moaning. She gently stroked his back, trying to calm him down. She knew her friend had nightmares, she didn't blame him with the childhood he had. "Its alright Severus, I'm here."

"Lily." He moaned and she stroked his back gently. "Lily no, don't leave me!"

"I'm right here Severus, right here."

"Don't leave me...I love you...don't go." He said and Lily stared at him in shock, he loved her? It was obvious once she thought about it. She stared at Severus uncertain, he was her friend her confidant when they had been small. He always seemed to make everything better, no matter how bad it was. Still she didn't love him, not in that soul searing way that she had loved James. True that had been a false love, but still she thought that she would know when she was in love or not. Though she didn't want to be, she didn't think she could be so soon after James.

She stared at Severus, as he moaned and twisted on the bed. He said her name occasionally and she wasn't sure of what to do. She wanted to comfort her friend, but she didn't want to lead him on in case he woke up and thought there was something more going on then there was. Still she couldn't let him suffer like he was, it wasn't in her nature.

She decided to take his hand, assuring him that she was there, but he didn't seem to feel her presence. He was caught deeply in his dream, his tiredness getting the better of him. She didn't want him to have nightmares and he needed to sleep. She frowned and started to sing a song that she used to sing when they were both young. She wasn't very fond of Celestena Warbuckle but when she had been young the whole wizard world had seemed so exciting. He calmed and quieted, she smiled and returned to her knitting as she sang. She sang different songs, but it was clear that her voice comforted him. She sang for a while longer before having to stop, still his bad dreams didn't resurface.

She watched him sleep a while, watched as his skin gained a bit of color to it. Severus had always had trouble getting to sleep. He always wanted to experiment with his potions or do just one more thing, before going to bed. When they were younger, they had stayed up half the night together, talking about their plans and dreams. She had missed having someone that she could confide in, like she had with Severus. She had missed his advice and even the snarkey attitude that he displayed around everyone but him. She knew she used it to protect himself when they had been younger, using it to hide exactly how he was feeling.

She continued to knit for a while, before going into the kitchen and eating what was left of the pasta. She then felt tired and decided to get some sleep, by that time it was night and she never could stay up that late as the baby tired her. She decided to check on Severus, before going to bed herself. She saw him in the grip of another nightmare, clearly this one wasn't about her, his hands clenched and unclenched, as he muttered spells. She went over to him and realized that she couldn't leave him, not and get a proper night of sleep. She did what they had done when she was young, taking off the top blanket and lying beside him in the bed. It didn't feel quite right to her, but she knew he needed her. She sung to him until he calmed and fell asleep listening to his snoring.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Severus awoke to find a mass of red hair in his face; he frowned trying to remember what had happened. He realized that Lily must have come into his bed to comfort him; she was lying on top of the bottom blanket as they had done as children. It felt good to have her arms and legs wrapped around him, right somehow. Still he knew that she didn't share her feelings, she was concerned about her friend and there was no more to this then that. Still he reveled in the feel of her lying asleep against him, he closed his eyes allowing himself to relax. He still felt tired after brewing those potions and decided to sleep some more.

Lily awoke next and frowned, somehow in the night she had snuggled up against Severus. In fact she practically was on top of him, she hastily moved off of him. Too hastily in fact, as she accidentally kneed him between his legs. Severus jerked bolt upright, his fists raised up as he made a gasping sound. "I'm sorry Severus."

"Only you would manage to knee a sleeping man in the bullocks." Severus' voice was much higher then his usual timbre. Lily was reminded of when his voice was changing and she wound up laughing. Severus looked injured at her laughter and she took his hand. "Oh Severus, I'm sorry, I was just reminded of when your voice was breaking." She said and he stared at her.

"I remember how amused you were by it, you used to make me sing songs, in the hope that my voice would break. Mother thought it funny as well and between the two of you my ego suffered a beating." Severus said and Lily laughed at the memory.

"I will make breakfast to make up for my mistake, I am truly sorry Severus." Lily said and smiled at him. She then got out of the bed and walked towards the kitchen. "Eggs alright with you Sev?"

"Fine." Severus replied and Lily started to make the food. She finished making breakfast and brought it back to Severus. He nodded his thanks and started to eat, she smiled and sat on the end of the bed. They ate together for a while in silence and after the meal was finished, Lily took the plates back to the kitchen and took out the wrapped sweater. She walked back to Severus and handed it to him.

"Thank you for helping me." She said and Severus stared at her and the package in her hands, before taking it and opening it. He stared at the sweater, touching it gently.

"This is beautiful Lily, thank you." He said and put on the sweater.

"It should protect you and give you clarity, as well as stop liquid other then water from spilling on you." Lily said and smiled. "I know how to add charms to what I knit, the blanket I am making has calm, love and protection knit into it."

"You were always good with spells, though transfiguration is a subject that we both didn't do well in."

"That's one way of putting it, another is that when I transformed my rat into a goblet it still squeaked."

"And was brown, not as bad as my attempt though, I only managed to get it half way. Sure it had a bit of glass sheen to it, but still it wasn't a goblet." He said and Lily laughed.

"Well you made up with it, with your charms and potions. Not to mention your gift at crafting spells." She said and Severus blushed.

"You had skill in that as well Lily and yours were much more beautiful then mine."

"Perhaps, but still no one can disguise the fact, that you had talent with that. You might have more have been focused on defensive and offensive spells, but they were still very useful."

"If you wanted to hurt another person, yes they were. You never saw the really bad ones, though. You were the only one that could ever stop me, from doing something stupid. After our disagreement, I went down a dark path, a path that I have no choice but to tread now."

"There is always a choice Sev, not a good choice perhaps but still a choice." Lily said.

"I am not reporting to Dumbledore anymore, I don't trust him. I think its better to have one powerful person that I don't trust ordering me about, then two. Now that we can get you and the baby safe, there isn't any reason to stay Dumbledore's informant."

"But if Voldemort falls you would…"

"Would be considered a deatheater, but I am a deatheater Lily. No matter how much I no longer wish to be, I made a choice. No one forced me to live this life, I was stupid enough to want it." Severus said and sighed.

"I am sorry Severus, sorry that I abandoned you when you needed me most." Lily said and took his hand.

"It wasn't your fault, you were angry at me, I think you thought to shock me into stopping what I was doing. However you always were stubborn, then there was Potter."

"I was angry at you Severus, I stopped being your friend because you called me a name. I was afraid that you were turning into them, those that sneered at me at Hogwarts and tried to curse me when I had my back turned."

"And I did."

"Maybe because they were your friends, when you had no others. You aren't the first young man to make a mistake, in order to keep a friendship." Lily said.

"No one in Slytherin House was my friend, not in the way you were. I realized that once I lost you and took the mark. Once you take the mark, there are two ways out…Death or life imprisonment, neither of which I fancy particularly."

"Yet you were willing to risk both for me."

"I was, because you were the only true friend I've ever had. You might have no longer considered me a friend, but I never stopped considering you one. I don't let my friends die by the hands of a madman." He explained. "For all that I might find myself in service to that madman."

"Oh Sev." Lily said and took his hand; Severus shrugged the hand off of him.

"I don't deserve your kindness Lily and I do not want your pity." Severus said.

"Deserved or not, you have my kindness, as for pity, I do not pity you Sev. I feel angry that my friend is forced to live a life he does not want. I am angry that someone thinks to use my friend, for their own purposes. Still I do no pity you Sev, you made a choice, a bad one, but a choice. You live by that choice and most likely will die by it. I feel grateful to you, for all that you have done for me, but I still do not agree with the choices you have made." Severus reeled back as if struck and started to cry. Lily stared at him, not knowing what to do; there was nothing she could do to make it better. She wrapped her arms around Severus and held him as he cried. She remembered clearly a young girl holding a young boy in the same manner, as he cried after his father beat him. The boy would climb through the girl's window at night, or go to her house during the day. Then the girl could do nothing to make it better either, other then simply hold him. She held him until his tears dried, or he fell asleep. Now however Severus did not cry a boy's tears, but a man's and Lily felt the difference keenly.

She tried to act as she always had. As his friend, yet still knowing that he loved her made it hard. It was hard to act normally around him, knowing that he loved her and she did not return it. She wasn't ready for a relationship, not after what Potter had done to her. She also feared the love of a man and feared to love, as love had imprisoned her once before. She was broken, damaged by what had happened to her. In ways that she didn't even want to think about, at least thanks to Severus, Harry was no longer James'. That made it easier to stand, for whatever had happened to her, no matter how hard it might be to look upon his face…She would have still loved Harry, even if she had to constantly be reminded of James. This way, thanks to Severus' love, Severus' kindness, she would not have to be. She would be free to love her son freely and completely. Harry had been a child of love after all, a child of twisted depraved love, but love all the same.

So even though she was uncertain of everything at the moment, she knew that she owed everything to Severus. He did not deserve her to lie and a lie by omission was still a lie. He did not need her to lie to him, he didn't he deserve it either. Still she would wait, wait until he recovered himself from the hard truths she had told him. Before telling him that she feared to love anyone and did not wish to be trapped once more. For all she knew that Severus would never intentionally trap him, she feared that she would be trapped regardless.

So she did what she could and held him as he cried. She stroked his back gently and whispered reassurances. Telling him everything would be alright, when she had no way of knowing that herself. She gently guided them onto the couch in the living room and sat down, still comforting him. She didn't like to be on her feet, for long periods of time. She held him as he cried and continued to hold him a moment after his tears stopped, before he pulled away blushing. Severus had never liked to show his emotions, even as a young boy. "Severus, don't become guarded with me, never with me." Lily told him and he stared at her, she smiled and gently wove her fingers in his hair. It felt just as strange as she remembered, since a young age Severus had used potion protecterant so his hair was always stiff. She frowned at the strange feel of it, before continuing to stroke back his hair, braiding it gently.

"Lily..." Severus said.

"Let me braid your hair, please Sev?" Lily asked.

"There's hardly any hair to braid, it doesn't reach past my shoulders." He said and Lily laughed.

"True enough, but that's enough to braid it slightly at least." Lily said and Severus nodded, sliding down to sit on the floor. Lily smiled as she started to braid it, remembering when at thirteen Severus had let her weave flowers into his hair. She should have realized that he had at least a crush on her then, but she hadn't. Severus stayed very still, trying not to show how Lily stroking his hair affected him. It was nice, the caring touch of a friend, Severus dared not hope for more, not after what she had been through.

"That feels nice." He managed and Lily smiled, continuing to braid her hair. She found a bit of ribbon that Severus was fond of tying his hair back with and knotted it around the hair. She set her hands on his shoulders and frowned at how tense they felt. She started to rub then gently and felt Severus shudder slightly. "What are you doing Lily?" Severus said and started to shrug away.

"You feel tense Sev, I was just trying to help." Lily said and Severus frowned.

"I don't like to be touched, you know that." Severus said and Lily sighed.

"I know Sev, I should have asked first, I'm sorry. Just like you should know that I would never hurt you intentionally." Lily said gently.

"I know that Lily, I just don't like being touched like that. I love it when you hug me, but I haven't ever liked being massaged." Severus told her. "Somehow its just too close to being hit for me."

"Oh Severus." Lily said and stroked his shoulder.

"Don't pity me."

"I don't Severus, I thought I told you that before. What happened to you, has made you the man you are today. Yes you were abused and mistreated by others, but still you survived. You still loved your mother, despite the pain you went through and you still care about others. After what happened to you, you could have become so much worse then you are." She said and gently ran her hands down his back, he shuddered and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Whatever else you might be, you are a good man."

Severus turned back to her. "Am I?"

"Of course you are, you wouldn't have taken me in otherwise. You wouldn't have cared about Harry and me if you weren't. You wouldn't doubt yourself so much and wish to be free of the deatheaters if you weren't a good man." Lily said and without thinking kissed him on the cheek. "You are good Severus, do not doubt yourself." Severus blushed and turned around quickly. Lily's cheeks colored as well, realizing how inappropriate the gesture she just made was. She thought that she wouldn't want to kiss a man again, after James. She didn't know what she had been thinking, she had just meant to reassure him, not do anything that she wasn't ready for.

Lily didn't know what to say to Severus and so they came to an awkward silence. She didn't know what to say, so she said what came to her mind. "I am not ready for a relationship Severus, not yet, not after James. You are my best friend and I want you to stay in my life...To continue to be my friend, but I know how hard that would be for you. Its not fair of me to ask that of you, when I cannot return your feelings...When I am afraid to love another, after being trapped by love before."

"I would never trap you Lily." Severus said and felt panic come to him, Lily somehow knew...How had she found out? She hadn't exactly rejected him as he had feared, but she hadn't returned his love either. She wanted to stay friends and that was fine with him. As long as Lily was near him, he didn't care about the details. He knew that he was pathetic, unable to get over her, giving into her every whim...But still when she wanted anything, he found that he couldn't refuse.

"I know you wouldn't mean to, but I could still be trapped. It would of course be a trap of my own making. I did not know, until it was nearly too late that I was trapped before. I think I could fall into one just as easily as I did before."

"I am not James Lily, I don't want you to be a housewife. I want you to do what you want, what will make you happy. I don't want to trap you Lily, never that." Severus said. "Would you really think me likely to be that sort of man, after what my father did to my mother?" He asked and his firsts rolled up into two balls. "You saw her bruises and you saw my own...I would never treat a woman as he did. To think that of me shows that you don't really know me at all. In one breath you tell me I am a good man and in the next you accuse me of trapping you. Something that a good man, who only wants the best for you...Would never do."

"I am telling you how I feel, I can't help it Severus." Lily said. "If you don't wish to know what I feel or think, or do you not really care? Am I just a thing to you as well, to have, but to not really listen to or appreciate?"

"You are more then that to me Lily, you know that! How can you think otherwise, when you know I Lo- I care for you." Severus said and Lily glared at him.

"And now you are placating the little woman, all men must be alike..."

"How dare you compare me to Potter?" Severus demanded. "I am nothing like him and to say all men are alike is like saying all women are alike! Its preposterous and insults your intelligence."

"You manage to do that quite well on your own." Lily said and walked angrily to her room, shutting the door firmly behind her. Severus wondered what he had done to make her so angry, then again he had never been all that good with people. He knew how to deceive others, he had to learn that having the father that he did. Still real human interaction was something, that he sometimes had trouble with. He had thought that Lily could be told anything, without turning on him unexpectedly but apparently he was wrong. He was afraid that he had pushed her away. The only thing to do was to go and apologize, but he needed to wait until her temper had cooled somewhat. Lily rarely got angry, but when she did it was a sight to behold.

Severus settled down on the couch a book in his hands and tried to read. Still he found that he was too distracted to do so. He set aside the book and got up a moment later. He walked over to Lily's door and knocked softly. "Lily? Lily I am sorry..."

"Why should you be sorry Sev? I was the one that got angry and blew everything yous said out of proportion." Lily said and opened the door. "The subject we were discussing was a touchy one for me and I think I took it too seriously."

"You have been through a lot Lily, I don't blame you for feeling as you do. Still I wish you would trust me more."

"I do trust you Sev, more then I would anyone else. Its just that I found out I was living a lie and that my own husband had betrayed me. After that I find that I don't know who to trust. I am sorry that I took my own fear and anger out on you Severus."

"I think you were attempting to tell me something as well. I just didn't want to hear it." Severus said and Lily hugged him.

"Thank you for being so understanding Severus, I'll go and make lunch. Then I think I will want a bit of a kip. I should get some sleep in, while I can." She said and smiled, before going into the kitchen. Severus fallowed behind her and together they made sandwiches and salad. They ate together in a companionable silence, before finishing the meal and cleaning up. Lily then went to her bedroom and Severus wished that he could go to his own bed. Unfortunately he had a potion to brew for the Dark Lord and he doubted that Voldemort would be willing to wait much longer.

He started to make the blood letting potion, a potion that was painful once drunk and caused small amounts of blood to run through the skin...It made it seem as though the victim was bleeding everywhere. With the pain and feeling as though they were about to die, the captured often told what they knew much sooner, just to get the antidote. Severus felt terrible about making the potion, one that he had created to appease the Dark Lord. Now however he had to produce such quantities of the stuff, that it seemed as though his work was never done. Luckily it only took a few hours to brew and Voldemort didn't know how long it took in truth. He could finish the potion before Lily awoke and pretend to be asleep himself for that amount of time. A few hours later the potion was finished and bottled carefully. Severus then laid down on his bed, closed his eyes and though he had only intended to fake sleep, he fell into a true slumber.

Lily awoke, soon after Severus had fallen asleep. She got up and decided to read some more. She opened one of the potion manuals and got out some spare parchment. She started to write down some of the ones she considered more useful to her. After all if there was only potion maunals to read, she might as well make use of the knowledge. She finished flicking through one book and picked up another and another. By that time she had found ten potions that she thought might help her. She would ask Severus to buy a potions manual for brewing for babies and children. As it was the potions she added were intended for adults. She would certainly need the energy elixer for example in the days to come. After several hours had passed and Severus hadn't emerged from his potion lab, she decided to go check on him.

She set aside the book and checked the potion lab first, not finding him there she went to his bedroom door next. She was about to knock when she heard him snoring, she smiled and entered quietly. He lay on his back, his fingers were still in his potion maker's gloves and he still had his boots on as well. She chuckled, leave it to Severus to forget to take off his gear. She took off his boots and pulled off his gloves. Severus was so exhausted that he didn't even twitch, despite sleeping for sixteen hours the night before. She thought it would take a while for him to recover from his late night brewing. She gently removed a piece of hair from his face, before leaving the room and going back to her reading. She read for a time longer, before starting to make dinner, waking Severus after she finished and telling him to eat. After they ate, they both went to their seperate rooms. Lily put a monitoring charm in Severus' room. It was a charm she had learned for Harry, but it would work for Severus as well. She knew Severus wouldn't appreciate her monitoring him. Still she knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep properly; if her best friend suffered nightmares in the next room.

She then changed into her nightgown and settled into her bed. She fell asleep quickly, but it didn't last long, as her friend started to moan in his sleep. His moaning woke her and she moved to his room, covering herself in the top blanket and wrapping an arm around him. He still was upset however, whatever bad dream he was having hadn't left him yet. She spoke whispered assurances to him and finally he quieted. She made a charm to awaken her at dawn, knowing that Severus usually woke an a hour after dawn. She then fell asleep listening to his snoring.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

The next several weeks passed quickly, Lily still went to sleep in Severus' bed after his bad dreams woke her. If Severus knew, he never said anything and before both of them knew it, it was time for Lily to drink the potion. He gave it to it after breakfast and she took it, a little while later she started to have labor pains. They were slow at first, but they quickly became quicker and closer together. "We should go to Saint Mungos now." Severus said worriedly.

"Its not time yet and I'd rather sit on the couch and have you read to me for a little while." Lily said and Severus stared at her, wondering how she could be so calm, when he wasn't. He started to read the potion manual, but found that he couldn't continue, his mind too distracted by her intermittent pain. "It is alright Sev, I am fine, people have been delivering babies for hundreds of thousands of years."

"Yes, but people also die in childbirth, or their children die." Severus said and Lily sighed.

"I am strong Severus and I am sure our son is strong too. Everything will be fine, you will see. You don't need to worry and when the contractions get closer together we will got to the hospital. I just don't see the point in going now and waiting in a hospital bed for several hours, when I can be here with you." She told him and smiled at him. "I am much more comfortable on this couch, then I could ever be in a hospital bed. I hate hospitals, you know that and I would like to spend as little time as possible in one." She told him and he nodded, continuing to read, though his hands gripped the pages much harder then usual. There was also a pinched look to his face and Lily sat up before he could do anything. "I will be fine Severus, so will Harry." She told him gently and sighed. "But if it would make you feel better, I suppose we can go to the hospital now." She said and groaned as a contraction took her. In the next moment Severus was up and grabbing the two bags they had packed the night before. The next he took some floo powder and shoved some of it into her hand.

She took it and called out the floo address of Saint Mungo's maternity ward. She landed on her feet, but stumbled and was caught by a waiting nurse. Severus followed after her a moment later, with the bags. Lily was taken into a room and Severus stood beside her, forgetting for a moment to set down the bags. A older woman smiled at him, when she came into the room. "First time?" She asked and he nodded, there would likely never be a second. Considering how Lily was his friend and no more then that and the terror he had at the thought of her doing this again. "Everything will be fine lad, you will see. These hands have delivered a hundred babies and no harm has come to any of my charges."

At that moment Lily moaned again. "Severus." She said and Severus stood beside her, offering her his hand. She took it and squeezed it hard when the contractions came. Several hours later, they started to come closer together. Lily's moans became louder and the healer crouched between her legs, studying her progress. It was all Severus could do, not to demand that she stop looking at Lily's privates.

"I see the head, just a few more good pushes and lets see if we can't get the little lad out." The healer said and Lily pushed, a moment later an infants cry filled the air and the nurse cast several cleaning charms and summoned over a diaper. She diapered the baby quickly and handed him to Severus. "Would you like to cut the cord?" She asked and Severus stared down at his infant son. The poor little sod had his nose and his thin lips, a small patch of black hair was on his head. He couldn't tell what color his eyes were yet, as they were closed as he screamed. He rocked the baby gently, staring down at the little boy, a curious warmth filling his chest. This was his son, his Harry, a sign of his love for Lily.

"What does he look like?" Lily asked and Severus hesitated a moment, before cutting the cord and handing the baby over. Lily took him and stared down at him, her curly red hair wild around her. However she had this tender look upon her face and he had never seen her more beautiful.

"I will be going now dear, so you can have some time alone with the baby. I think the little mite will be wanting his first meal soon." She said and Severus blushed. The healer left and Severus was about to fallow.

"Stay with me Sev, I trust you not to look." She said and smiled at him. "Thank you for giving me a son. For saving me and him from You Know Who and being my friend." She said and Severus settled in the chair, taking out the clothes they had packed, he found a small burping cloth and a tiny onsie. He heard Harry suckling noisily and smiled softly. A few minutes later the suckling stopped and he handed Lily the cloth. She took it and burped Harry, before looking to Severus. "Can you change him and watch him for a while Sev? I'm tired."

"Of course." Severus said and took the baby, awed again by how small he was. He changed him carefully and gently. He smiled at the sight of the little boy he held. A moment later the infant's eyes opened and he stared down at vivid green eyes. They were Lily's eyes and he stared at them. He smiled as Lily started to snore loudly and laughed for a moment at the unfamiliar sound. Lily never usually snored, but birthing Harry had clearly exhausted her.

He continued to stare at the little boy for a while longer, he watched as the baby's eyes closed and he let out a little snuffling sound. Apparently his son snored as he did, the sound wasn't annoying as he thought his father's snoring to be and imagined his own, but rather adorable. He stared down at the sleeping infant in his arms, there was a cradle beside the bed, but he found that he didn't want to let the baby go. He continued to stare at the infant, marveling at the new life he held in his arms. "I promise that I will always be there for you Harry, always." He said and smiled down at the little baby in his arms. He felt himself begin to tire, but he didn't want to let go of Harry. His eyes drifted shut and then snapped open, before drifting shut again and staying closed.

When the healer came to check on them, the woman smiled to see the young family and how carefully the sleeping young man held the child in his arms. Still it was better not to hold the child while sleeping and she carefully took the child from him and laid it in the crib. She then left the room, letting the new parents sleep for a while longer.

It was a cry like the wail of a banshee that woke Severus and he looked frantically about him for Harry. He found him in the crib, little arms and legs flailing about. He took the baby into his arms and frowned at the smell coming from the child. It was clear that little Harry needed to be changed and quickly. He took a diaper from the bag and a new onsie, before carefully removing the onsie and diaper. He retched at the contents of the diaper and the smell that came rolling towards his nostrils. He often used a spell to dampen his prodigious sense of smell while brewing and cast it. He sighed in relief as his abused nostrils started to recover and heard Lily laughing heartily.

"And what pray tell is so funny?" Severus demanded and Lily continued to laugh. Severus glared at her and forgot that Harry was uncovered. A spray of something wet showered his cheek and he stared at Harry, getting a stream of urine in his face. "Arggg gah ahe..." Severus said wiping at his face and Lily's laughter redoubled. "Think that's funny do you, then why don't you try to change this hellion?" He demanded.

"He's only a baby." Lily managed before starting to laugh all over again. Severus glared from his crying son, to the baby's laughing mother and realized that his glare didn't affect them in the slightest. Harry being too young and Lily beset by her amusement. Severus quickly finished cleaning and changing the baby.

"That was not amusing."

"Yes it was."

"You can attempt to change the next one then." Severus said and picked up the baby, before handing him to Lily. Harry continued to cry and Severus looked away as Lily fed him.

"Read to us, please Sev?" She asked and Severus sighed, he could never stay annoyed at Lily for long it seemed.

"Very well and you would have me read some childish drival I assume?" Severus said and Lily chuckled.

"I think that Harry is a bit too young to understand anything you read, so read what you like of the books we brought with us. I wonder when they will let us go." Lily said and Severus looked through the books, deciding on a mystery novel Lily had been meaning to read. He started to read and Lily felt chills coming up and down her spine at the sound of his voice. He had a natural voice for narrating a tale and she found herself enjoying the story, while she rocked Harry gently. The baby fell asleep soon and she smiled, staring down at his little face and listening to Severus reading.

He stopped after a while and looked to Lily and Harry. "He's beautiful isn't he?" Lily said and looked down at the baby, her eyes full of love. Severus wished for a moment that she would look at him like that.

"Absolutely, though I wish he didn't have my nose."

"I love his nose, it shows that he is clearly your son."

"With a honker like that, who could miss it?" Severus replied and Lily smiled.

"I told you not to have self deprecating humor." Lily told him. "And I ask you not to malign our son either."

"It was a simple joke Lily."

"I know, but still I don't like you to think such things about yourself." Lily said.

"Very well, I will attempt not to do so." Severus replied.

"That's all I ask Sev, can you get the nurse, I want to go home." Lilly said and Severus felt delighted that she thought of his house as her home.

"I will back soon Lily." He promised and rose, he found a healer and asked her to find someone to release Lily and Harry from the hospital. A moment later the witch that had helped to deliver Harry returned and smiled at the couple and the baby.

"I'm going to do a short exam and if I release you, you will need to take it slow for a few days." The healer said and Lily nodded. The healer checked on both Lily and Harry and smiled. "It seems that it would be alright to release you today. As long you take several restorative and blood replenishing potions from the birth." She said and Lily nodded, the healer summoned several vials to her and watched as Lily drank them. Severus then took Harry and hesitated.

"We came by floo before, but is the floo safe for the baby?" Severus asked and the healer smiled.

"If I had a knut for every time a worried parent asked me that, I would be a much richer woman. It won't harm the lad, as long as your steady on your feet when you floo. I know a few people who aren't."

"I think we will be fine." Severus said and smiled at the baby in his arms. "Though I didn't remember the powder."

"The hospital can provide you with some, for the cost of the powder and a small surcharge." The healer said and Severus nodded.

"Very well add it to our bill." Severus said and the healer summoned a small packet to her.

"Just give back whatever you do not use, you can use the fireplace."

"Wouldn't that cause problems though, if just anyone can floo into this room?" Severus demanded.

"No one can floo into the room, it is an outgoing floo only." The healer replied. "We wouldn't risk our patients in such a way, not with the war going on."

"That's a relief, now if you don't mind, we will be leaving now." Severus said and the healer smiled.

"Of course." She said and looked towards Lily. "Do you need help in getting up?"

"I think I can manage." Lily replied and got up slowly. She wavered on her feet a moment, before steadying herself. She then cast lightening charms on both bags and picked them up. Taking some floo powder, she called out the address under her breath and stepped through the flames. She arrived in Severus' fireplace and stepped aside. Severus arrived a moment after her and smiled stepping from the flames, Harry in his arms. The baby hadn't stirred and Severus had made the trip without jostling him.

"Go and sit down Lily, I will make you something to eat and take care of Harry tonight, so you get some sleep."

"Thank you Severus." Lily said and sat down on the couch. Severus smiled and walked into the other room. He pulled out some food and went about making some soup and sandwiches, careful of the baby cradled in the crook of his arm as he did so.

"I wonder if your meal tastes different, according to what your mother eats." Severus said. "You are a cute little fellow and I can't wait to teach you how to brew. You have my fingers and those will come in handy once you start to learn the noble art of potions. Hopefully you will be as kind and graceful as your mother. I wonder who will you be, once you are grown. It will not matter to me my son, because I will love you no matter what you become." He said and kissed the top of the baby's head. He smiled down at Harry, as he stirred the soup and flipped the sandwiches. He put his and Lilly's on a plate, before calling her over to dish out the soup, not willing to risk serving it with Harry in his arms. She came in and served the soup, together they sat down at the table. Severus frowned a moment, uncertain, before placing the baby down on his lap cradling him between his knees and ate his soup careful not to spill a drop.

After their dinner was finished, Lily went to bed and Severus found that he was tired as well. Still he found that he couldn't leave Harry in his crib, not now, not when he was so new. He smiled at the child cradled in his arm, before realizing that he had forgotten to ask Lily for milk for the baby. He knocked at her door. "Lily may I come in?"

"Yes Severus." Lily replied and Severus opened the door, Lily laid in her bed and propped herself up with pillows.

"I forgot to get milk from you, for Harry. Just fill up the bottles and then you can go back to sleep." He said and summoned five bottles. "I doubt that he will need that much, but he should have it just in case."

"Thank you Severus." Lily said and Severus set the bottles on the bedside table, before leaving the room. Lily called him back, a few minutes later and Severus took the bottles from her. He then left the room and went to his own. He laid Harry down in the center of the bed, changed his diaper and put him into the little sleep suit that Lily had bought for him.

"We will have to get you some black clothing, baby blue doesn't fit my son." He told Harry and smiled at the baby, before changing into his own clothing. He picked him up and settled back the blankets. He then pulled them over him and the baby, letting Harry rest on his chest. He fell asleep listening to the child's snuffling snores.

Lily however did not sleep, despite being tired, she had grown used to having Severus beside her. Yet she couldn't go to him now, not when he was taking care of Harry and might discover that she went to his bed at night. She hadn't been found out yet, because Severus was such a deep sleeper once he didn't have to be guarded. Still she longed to see him and her son, she hesitated a moment, before going into the nursery. She saw the empty cradle and frowned, wondering what had happened to Harry. She walked into Severus' rooms and smiled. Harry was on Severus' chest, a single hand cradling his head as Severus slept.

She walked closer to him and watched them both sleeping. The baby still was pink, as babies often were after birth. He was so small and she smiled as Severus protected him in his sleep, a hand stopping the child from rolling over in his sleep. She wished that she could lie down beside them both, but that would bring about something she wasn't ready for. Instead she just watched them for a time, listening to their snoring. They looked so much like each other in sleep, Lily thought that Severus had most likely looked the same as Harry did in sleep, as a boy. Harry's eyes seemed to be the only thing he had inherited from her.

She watched for a while longer, before casting a monitoring charm and returning to her own room. She fell asleep listening to their breathing, even though they were not in the room with her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Severus awoke the next day feeling tired, after waking up several times last night to take care of Harry. He glanced down at his little son and smiled. In the night Harry's little fist had come up to his face. He chuckled and gently picked the baby up from his chest. He had somehow managed to do it without waking Harry. He cradled the baby to him gently and walked into the next room. He saw Lily smiling at him and smiled back.

"I wanted you to sleep in a bit if possible. I would have taken Harry, but I was afraid of waking you. You were holding him so close to you, that I could not take him. Though I did get a picture of the two of you together." She said and smiled.

"What?" Severus demanded and Lily laughed.

"Maybe we should send it out with the birth notifications." Lily said, teasing him.

"No don't do that." Severus said and Lily smiled.

"I won't if you give me your son, I will keep it as a personal photo." Lily said, she loved the photo, she thought it was wonderful how tenderly Severus held Harry. "Now can I hold him?" She asked and Severus hesitated a moment, before handing the baby over. Green eyes opened slowly and stared up at eyes that would one day match his own. Lily smiled down at the baby and kissed his forehead gently. "Severus can you make us some breakfast, while I give Harry his?" She asked and saw a slight red tinge to Severus' cheeks.

"I would be glad to." Severus said and left. Whatever else Severus might be, Lily knew him to be a gentleman.

She smiled down at Harry and gently put his mouth to her breast. Harry suckled from her for a time, before stopping. She picked him up and summoned a burping cloth. She put it on her shoulder and burped him gently, patting and rubbing his back. She smiled at Harry, before settling him back into her arms. His little face screwed up and he started to cry. She gently stuck a finger into his diaper and found that it wasn't wet. She then removed her finger and stood up, rocking the baby in her arms until he quieted and his eyes closed once more.

"Lily breakfast is ready." Severus called and Harry's eyes shot open and he started to cry all over. Lily walked into the kitchen, continuing to rock her child, she started to sing a song that her own mother had sung to her when she was young.

"Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,

Smiles await you when you rise.  
Sleep,  
Pretty baby,  
Do not cry,  
And I will sing a lullaby.

Cares you know not,  
Therefore sleep,  
While over you a watch I'll keep.  
Sleep,  
Pretty darling,  
Do not cry,  
And I will sing a lullaby." She finished and smiled down at Harry, who had quieted and closed his eyes. She continued to rock him gently, soon his snuffling snores returned.

"That song was very beautiful."

"Thank you, my mother sang it to me." Lily said and smiled at the baby, before sitting down next to Severus. She started to eat what Severus had cooked and smiled at Severus. "This is good Sev."

"Its just eggs with a bit of cheese in them and some toast, it was easy enough." Severus replied. "I think you had the harder job, getting Harry to eat and sleep." He added and Lily laughed softly.

"I don't want to set him down." Lily admitted.

"Neither did I, I had him sleep with me last night." Severus admitted. "When we got sleep that is, he's got a nice set of lungs on him."

"That's for sure." Lily said and laughed, she had been awakened by his cries in the night herself. She had fallen back to sleep easily enough and had enjoyed listening to Severus sooth the baby. She liked the way that he talked to their son, something he would no doubt never do with anyone else around. "So do you have to brew some more potions, I can help you if you like."

"I would like that, but I want one of us to be with Harry...I don't want him to be alone." Severus said and Lily smiled.

"I think he will be fine, for a time in a cradle. I know a few monitoring charms that will allow us to hear him and alert us if his breathing changes." She said and Severus frowned a moment, before nodding.

"I suppose we should allow him to sleep in his cradle, for a time at least." Severus said and Lily took Harry to the nursery and gently laid him down in the cradle. She then went back to Severus and they went to the potion lab together.

"Why don't you work on some pepperup?" Severus said and handed her a journal. "You should find it in there, I will do some blood replenishing potion." Lily knew that pepperup was easier then blood replenishing potion, but she didn't say anything as she hadn't brewed in some time. She set up the monitoring charms and Severus appeared startled for a moment, as Harry's breathing filled the room. "That's incredible." He said and Lily nodded.

"It comes in handy, this way we will be able to tell if he wakes easily." Lily said and started to work on the potion. She added ingredients and stirred the required amount of times, until Harry started to cry. She added another ingredient and turned to Severus. "Should I take care of him, or do you want to?"

"You should go, I will tend both the potions until you return." Severus said.

"Thank you." Lily said and she walked to Harry. "Hush now little one, here I've got you." Lily assured and realized that he needed a change. She set him on the changing table and remembering Severus' folly, was careful to make sure that Harry couldn't spray her. She finished cleaning the crying baby and diapered him, before putting him in a little white sleep suit with a duck walking around on it. She smiled at the duck and held Harry gently, before offering him something to eat. "Not hungry my lamb, well lets just sit in the rocking chair a while." She said and rocked him back and forth, humming to the baby until he fell asleep. She put the baby back into the cradle and walked back to Severus.

He pointed at the section he was on in the potion and she resumed brewing. They continued to work in the potion lab for the rest of the day, except when Harry interrupted Lily and they ate. Lily got Harry out of his crib and woke him gently, feeding him, before settling him once more.

"Would it be alright if I let him sleep with me tonight?"

"If you want to Lily, that's fine." Severus replied, though privately he knew he would miss having Harry lying on his chest.

"I think I do." Lily replied and smiled at him. She then stood and went to the couch, Severus following her. "Can you read to me?"

"Of course." Severus said and picked up where he had left off in the book. He read for several hours and set down the book reluctantly. "I am tired Lily." He admitted and she nodded.

"I am too." Lily said and smiled at him. "Goodnight Severus."

"Goodnight Lily, good night Harry." Severus said looking down at the sleeping baby and smiling softly. Lily got up from the couch and moved to her room. She set up the monitoring charms for Severus' room, to alert her if he had nightmares. She then put Harry on her chest and closed her eyes. She heard Severus getting ready for bed and then his snores, they soon turned to moans as his bad dreams dogged him.

"Come on my lamb." She said to Harry, picking him up and casting a charm that would allow only her to hear him. She then carried him to the other room and laid down next to Severus, putting the blanket between them and placing Harry on her chest. They seemed to comfort Severus and he settled into his normal snoring. Lily found that his breathing reassured her as well. She closed her eyes and fell asleep listening to her son and his father sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The next day they were all awoken by a howler. "LILY COME BACK TO ME THIS INSTANT AND BRING OUR SON, OR ELSE YOU WILL NOT SEE A GALLON OF YOUR ALLOTMENT. IF YOUR CHOICE IS TO REMAIN WITH SNAPE, I WILL INFORM THE APPOTHECARY'S NOT TO ACCEPT HIS POTIONS. DO YOU THINK THAT I CAN'T DO THIS, WELL I CAN AND I WILL. I AM THE HEIR TO THE POTTERS AND PEOPLE WILL LISTEN TO ME, RATHER THEN A MUGGLEBORN HARLET. COME BACK TO ME NOW AND MAYBE IN TIME I WILL FORGIVE YOU." The letter then tore itself up and Lily stared at Severus for a moment, as Harry cried.

"That's the last straw, he threatened you, I am getting a divorce." Lily said and Severus stared at Lily in his bed, he had no idea how she had gotten there with Harry. He found that he did not care particularly, just as long as she was there beside him.

"I am glad to hear it, James has been doing whatever he wants for much too long." Severus said and picked up Harry. "Its alright little one, Father is here."

"Wouldn't it be better for you to be Da Da?" Lily asked amused. "I can't imagine a year old baby saying father." Severus looked to her and smiled ruefully.

"I suppose he can call me Da Da for a time." He said and smiled down at the baby. "And you my son need to be changed." He picked Harry up and summoned a diaper.

"Let me do it, you did most of the others." Lily said.

"I can't feed him, but I can change him." Severus told her. "Don't make me feel totally useless."

"You are far from useless Sev, you saved us both and stopped a dark lord from coming after us." Lily said.

"I only did that...because you are my friend, if it was anyone else."

"You still would have helped them if they needed it."

"You seem to think much better of me, then I do of myself."

"Can't you say the same about me?" Lily asked gently. "We are always our own worse critic."

"That may be true, but you cannot honestly say that most of my choices have been wise of late."

"Perhaps not, but you regret them don't you Sev? Anyone can be mislead by others, I was though in a different manner then you were." She said and Severus felt better then he had in a long time.

"Thank you for that, but still my choices were my own." Severus said.

"As were mine, you wanted to keep the only friends you had left and I thought myself in love. Neither of us can be blamed for doing what we thought right at the time. We were both victims of circumstance." She said to Severus. "Now I'm hungry and I think our little one is as well, aren't you Harry?" She asked and Severus changed Harry, before handing him to Lily. Lily took the baby and watched Severus get up and leave the room. She smiled and set about feeding her son, Harry sucked strongly and she smiled. "You are a greedy one, aren't you." She asked and caressed the baby's cheek.

She hummed to him for a little while, as the baby fed. Slowly Harry's suckling relaxed and she gently burped the child. She then walked with Harry to the kitchen and sat down at the table, watching Severus as he cooked. She smiled at him as she gently rocked Harry, the baby had quieted once he was full of milk and his eyes drooped shut. She smiled as the baby went to sleep once more.

"He sleeps a lot, doesn't he?" Severus asked and Lily laughed.

"No more then any infant Sev, babies sleep a lot at first. He will be awake more often soon." She told him, gently stroking Harry's head.

"Good, I don't have much experience with babies. I have a godson, but I seldom see him."

"What is his name?"

"Draco, he's only a month older than Harry. A blond haired little boy, he's adorable, but not as cute as our son." Severus said and Lily laughed.

"Every parent thinks that of their child, no doubt his mother and father believe that their baby is the most beautiful." Lily said.

"Lucius Malfoy would have it no other way."

"You are close friends with the Malfoys? They would kill me and be glad of it." Lily said and he stared at her.

"Not you Lily, never you, I would protect you from them." Severus said. "In any case, I doubt that Lucius would wish to kill you, considering that you are my friend."

"Is my friendship dangerous to you Sev?" Lily asked.

"I don't know, perhaps it will be, it might not be. The Dark Lord is often hard to predict. Still I feel it is worth the risk of having you here with me and having Harry as my son." Severus said and set down the food at the table. "Being in danger is part of my life, though I am sorry for bringing danger to you."

"No more than if I was with James and Harry had been born when he was supposed to be." Lily replied and shrugged. "I am a Gryffindor, what's life without a little danger after all? As long as you don't make me attend your death eater meetings, I see no reason why things can not continue as they have before." Severus stared at her in amazement. "Where would I go Severus? I do not have a knut to my name and no way of securing one either. Very few people hire three years out of Hogwarts muggle born students with no experience. I would rather stay with you and help with your potions to pay for our rooms and food. Then to attempt to make my way elsewhere."

"You would receive at least some money in recompense for what Potter did to you."

"Would I? Children born from affairs are not regarded highly in the wizard world. That is what everyone would believe my son to be, what they must believe Harry to be."

"You were ensorcelled and Potter should pay!" Severus said.

"Perhaps he should, but when has a muggle born's word been valued more than an ancient house?" Lily asked. "I am going to try to get some galleons from James, when I file for divorce. Still it will be all too likely that I receive nothing. I knew the risks when I asked you to perform the spell and knew that the courts would be more likely to believe James then anything I had to say."

"And what of the House of Prince? My Grandparents have not yet disowned me, as they had my mother. Though they might after I support you, I don't even know them that well. We have spoken perhaps half a dozen times, after I reached my majority."

"I won't have you risk your inheritance for my sake. Severus you have done enough already, by offering to make my son your own and take me in. You do not need to stand for me in addition and risk yourself."

"It would be a risk, though its one that I am more than willing to take. For my son and for you and for what Potter did to you. That is something that should never be done to anyone, ever. There is a reason that stronger love potions are illigal after all. They take no choice from their intended victims."

"James took my choice from me, still it almost doesn't feel as though I was a victim. I thought I loved James, my choices after that were my own. Beside the love potion, James didn't truly force me to do anything, I did it because I thought I loved him."

"Still I imagine you did whatever he asked, whenever he asked it. True love isn't about dominating the other person. It is about letting them be themselves, because you love them the way they are. They shouldn't want to change you either, because they love you the way you are as well. The relationships that fall apart, fall apart because they are dissatisfied with each other. 'If only they could be like this...' they think and in thinking that they drive each other away. Either that or make each other miserable, as my parents did. My mother stayed with my father, because she thought that he would change and because she was in love with him at first. Love shouldn't be blind, but rather seeing, for if you can take in a person regardless of their faults and still love them, then that love is true."

"That was beautiful Sev." Lily said and smiled at him. "Thank you, I needed to hear that." Lily stood up and looked to Severus. "Will you watch Harry while I go over to the Ministry and ask for an offical to nullify our bond?"

"Of course Lily, I will just read some potion manuals and watch him."

"Thank you Severus." Lily said and went to her room to get ready. She realized that she had nothing to transport the floo powder in. "Severus do you have a spare handkerchief?"

"It should be in the top drawer of my dresser. I don't have many, I use them sometimes for formal occasions." Severus replied and Lily walked to his room, she got out an handkerchief and moved to the floo powder. She put some in the handkerchief and used a pinch to get to the ministry. She then followed the directory to the bonding offices.

"I would like to form a formal complaint against James Potter." She told the greying man at the desk she was led to. "He used an illegal potion on me."

"A serious charge, you will need to submit a pensive memory." He said.

"Pensive memories do not convey feeling. As the potion was added out of my sight, I don't see why that would be needed."

"Then how did you discover that James Potter had given you a love potion?"

"I let my friend cast a spell, it broke the hold of the love potion." Lily replied and he nodded.

"Perhaps if you would allow me to use legitimancy upon you, we can find the truth of this matter."

"Alright, just as long as you recant the bond." Lily said and felt the uncomfortable touch of a stranger in his mind. Luckily he was good at legitimancy and was quick at finding the pertinent information.

"I am sorry for what has happened to you, House Potter will be forced to pay recompense for what their heir did to you. I declare your bond null and void." He said and Lily glowed with a black light for a moment, before it disappeared and she felt a weight lift from her. "I have never before seen a black bond, it shows that you were never compatible. I wonder who did the bond in the first place, as it is clear that you were not supposed to be together."

"Thank you for releasing me from my bond."

"You are welcome Miss Evans, now there is another matter that I would like to speak to you about. I know that you agreed to not receive any of the estates or holdings in the case of James Potter's death."

"I did, but it was because I thought I was in love with him." Lily said and the bonder held up a hand.

"The Potters believe that it would be unfortunate if any word of this leaked to the press. They also want to ensure that Harry Potter is provided for and receives the best care possible."

"Harry isn't the Potter's son, I...I had an affair...With an old friend, who I won't name. The Potters don't have any claim to Harry. I would do anything to make sure that he stays safe from them, if I have anything to say about it, he will never see James."

"I see, I still believe that the Potters owe you what they offered to you. It is actually better for all concerned that the child is in fact not James. The fact remains that you could seriously damage them if any word got out to the press. If you promise not to seek either legal or societal harm to them, they will in turn reward you with a sum of two million galleons." He said and Lily stared at him in shock, she had no idea that James' family had that much money to begin with.

"If they swear an oath to not ever meet with my son, in addition to what they have already offered I might agree to that. However I was raised to believe that if you did something, it was only right for you to pay for it. I want their guarantee that anyone of the Potter bloodline cannot be on familiar terms, or harm my son. They should also swear to not have others harm him. I want the same assurance for me and his Father. Only then will I consider their offer."  
"There will need to be a paternity test, to make sure that Harry is not the child of James Potter."

"My child is two days old, would this paternity test harm him in any way? It should be fairly obvious that my son isn't James' child. He looks like his father, except for having my eyes."

"A baby can be glamored, there is a potion that can prove that the child is not Potters. It requires only a bit of the infant's hair."

"I am not going to trust the Potters with Harry's hair." Lily said. "They could do anything with one of his hairs, I may be muggleborn but I am not stupid. Nor should you take me as such bonder."

"Lineage potions are some of the safest out there, you simply brew it and add the hair off the baby's head. It is a tradition that has been done in Pureblood families for generations."

"Be that as it may, I refuse to endanger Harry by having this potion brewed by an outside source. Harry's biological father is a potion Master and he can brew this potion."

"And how can the Potters be sure that the potion has not been tampered with?"

"Someone else can watch Harry's father brew, if he agrees to it. Not the Potters though, or any of their friends."

"If this man is indeed the father, then the potion will reveal his name."

"Bonder it seems that you favor the criminal rather then the victim in all of this."

"I assure you, that I do not. Bonders are not well liked, as we have the task of seeing that both parties are satisfied in the event of a bonding or a breaking. This in turn leaves neither party satisfied." He said and looked at her. "I am very good at my job, Miss Evans. It is clear who deserves to ask requests out of the breaking of this bond. Still I need to ensure that the Potters can have as much peace of mind as possible given the situation. James Potter is their only son and they are heartbroken to learn that he has done something so vile."

" I need to get back to my own son, I will owl you if Harry's Father agrees to preform the potion."

"I will witness it if he does, I feel responsible that one of my co workers was tricked or bribed into bonding two people that were not meant to be together.

"I don't blame the bonder, this is no one's fault but James Potter." Lily said and stood. "I will be going now." She added and walked to the fireplace, taking a pinch of the floo powder from her pocket, she called out Severus' address and vanished into the flames.

**An: I want to thank everyone that has reviewed the story so far. I appreciate that you point out my mistakes and have actually given me some ideas about where to take this story. Right now I am debating wether or not to make Lily a halfblood like Severus. I feel on one hand that I have made this story very AU already and shouldn't add to it. On the other since its already AU, why not? Anyway thanks again, till next time Sarenelsoria**


	10. Chapter 10

**WARNING CHAPTER CONTAINS ITEMS OF A VIOLENT NATURE.**

Chapter Ten

Lily stumbled as she got out of the fireplace, catching herself just in time. She heard Harry's wailing and looked to a distraught Severus. "He won't stop crying, we both forgot to have you leave some bottles and he's hungry." Severus said and Lily felt terrible, in her anger and haste she had forgotten to provide for her son's needs.

"Let me have him and I'll let him nurse a bit." Lily said and the baby was handed to her, she took him gently and covered him in her cloak, as she unbuttoned her shirt. "There now Harry, that's better isn't it?" She asked the baby and smiled down at him, after Harry had finished eating and had fallen back to sleep, she spoke to Severus. "Severus I need to talk to you, my bond is settled but there is another matter."

"What is it Lily?" Severus asked.

"I know I have asked a lot of you already, but I was wondering if you could brew a lineage potion for Harry. You would have to do it with the bonder watching, but without the potion I'm afraid that the Potters might try to take Harry from me somehow."

"Of course I will help you Lily, Harry is my son too and I won't have him grow up like James Potter. Not if I can do anything to stop it."

"Thank you Severus, I just don't want Harry near those people." Lily said and smiled at him, Severus' chest suddenly felt warm and he smiled back before he could stop himself. Lily was smiling at him, Lily WAS SMILING AT HIM! He suddenly felt like everything was right with the world and wondered how he could have her so close to him.

"I understand, I don't want the Potters near him either. I will make sure that you and Harry are safe."

"I can take care of myself Sev, I'm a fully trained witch and I know how to cast a spell or two." Lily said and kissed him on the cheek. "Though it was very sweet of you to think of defending me." She said and Severus brought a hand up to the cheek, before hastily bringing it back down again blushing. Lily looked at him and then looked away quickly. She always seemed to be doing the wrong thing with Severus, it was just that he was her friend...Yes he was her friend and Harry's father, that was all.

"I know you can Lily, but I know more about defensive magic then you do." Severus said and Lily was silent, she didn't want to be reminded of her friend's abilities. She didn't even want to think about them for that matter. Still being a deatheater was a part of who Severus was, she would have to accept that part of him or leave him and she couldn't do that to him again. She knew that even though he was Voldemort's servant, Severus was still a good man.

Still the silence dragged on, until Lily moved over to Severus' table. "Sev, do you have a spare quill and paper, I should write that letter now."

"Do you want me to take Harry, while you write it?" Severus asked and she nodded, handing the baby over to him. He sat down in the chair across from her, as she wrote about Severus' being willing to make the potion. She was almost finished when Severus winced and jerked. "Lily take Harry I need to leave." He said and she stared at him, suddenly terrified. It was the middle of the day and Severus was being called to HIM. Severus handed her Harry and disapporated.

Severus arrived at the receiving hall in Malfoy Manor, coming in time to hear a baby's screams.

"Silence that infant, before I do it for you Malfoy." Lord Voldemort said.

"I am sorry my Lord, I cannot find my wife and this is the first time I am alone with Draco. I can't get him to stop crying." Lucius said and Severus was immediately concerned for his Godson. Voldemort's temper had not been at its best of late, Severus wished that he had never heard that Prophesy.

"If I might help my Lord?" Severus asked Lord Voldemort and was greeted with the stares of fifty deatheaters.

"I did not take you for the type to know how to care for children." Lord Voldemort said and Severus felt himself blush, before walking up to Lucius Malfoy. He had never seen Malfoy so hopelessly out of his depth and scared. Severus was afraid as well, for his Godson...Voldemort never was predictable and Severus felt that he would have to act and quickly. He noticed the way that Malfoy was holding his son, it was clear to him that the baby was uncomfortable. The other deatheaters had children as well and he wondered for a moment why they had not helped Lucius, before remembering that it was not their place to do so.

"Give him to me Lucius and can a few of you step back a bit while I calm him? Do you have milk for him Lucius?" Severus asked and Lucius nodded, calling to a house elf.

"Go get me a bottle."

"But Mistress said that we isn't to be helpings you. This is being your bonding time with the young Master."

"Who is the Master of this house? It is not my wife!" Lucius snarled and the house elf looked terrified.

"I is not disobeying orders, I is good elf." The house elf said stubbornly and Severus realized why Lucius hadn't left the baby with the house elves, it was because he couldn't."

"Let me just take him and I'll see if I can calm him without feeding. I am not even certain that Draco is hungry." Severus said and Lucius handed the baby over to him at once. He stared down at the blue eyes of the crying Draco. He knew that once a meeting was called, they couldn't leave it for any reason, but he didn't see why Voldemort hadn't asked Lucius to leave or why he had threatened Draco. He cradled the infant in his arms and rocked back and forth.

"Hello Draco, I'm here, your Godfather is here. Everything is fine, you just like to throw fits like your Papa don't you?" He asked and looked down at the baby, he continued to rock Draco. "You know you've got your Papa's eyes and your Mama's nose, you even have Auntie Bella's cheekbones. You lucky little baby you."

"Is there a point to this Severus?" Voldemort asked and Severus' face went from red to ashen in a second.

"I found that it helps my own son to calm down, even though Harry is only a few days old."

"Harry?"

"Harry Potter, you remember our talk, my lord? Harry came a bit earlier then expected and I wanted to make him my own."

"What you see in a mudblood is beyond me Severus, but still we all have our little perversions after all." Voldemort said and several of his followers laughed.

"Yes my lord, the mudblood was the first contact I had with another magic user my age. I grew attached, as one without superior company is wont to do."

"I do not blame you Severus, in fact you have done me a service."

"I am always happy to serve you my lord." Severus said and realized how much he sounded like a house elf in that moment, as Draco continued to scream. Severus held out a finger and stuck it in the child's mouth, Draco seemed surprised by that, but the other death eaters were even more so.

"What are you doing to my son?" Lucius demanded.

"Quieting him, he needs to eat, he's hungry and he needs a change as well. I do not know what Narcissia was thinking leaving you with Draco unprepared." Severus said.

"I am unsure of that as well." Lucius admitted. "I do not see why the boy cannot be raised by house elves, it is after all the traditional way of going about such things. Yet Narcissia insists that we should raise Draco." Lucius said and Severus awkwardly patted his shoulder.

"A boy needs his father too." Severus said and felt uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on him.

"So now that the baby is quiet for the moment, perhaps you should get it some sustenance Lucius, we will wait for your return. Though if you are more then five minutes in getting what is needed, I shall be...Displeased." Voldemort said and Lucius walked from the room stiffly. The rest of the death eaters waited in silence for Lucius' return, he came back eight minutes later. "Lucius you are late, crucio." Voldemort drawled and Lucius' screams filled the air, along with the cries of his son. The other death eaters could do nothing for him, to attempt to make Voldemort see reason would do Lucius no good at all. Finally it was over, Lucius was shaking all over, but at least he had stopped screaming. He slowly rose to a sitting position, every ounce of strength going into maintaining his dignity.

"My Lord may I get the supplies for the baby?" Severus said.

"Yes and supply Lucius with a sustaining potion." Voldemort said, a sustaining potion would lesson the after effects of the curse, while the meeting was going on. However afterwards the effects would be twice as strong. The potions lasted for two hours, but after that Lucius would be in terrible pain.

"Very well my Lord." Severus said and snapped his fingers, a house elf came at once. "Go get the silver colored potions from the stores." He told the creature and the house elf vanished, reappearing with the potion a moment later. He looked them over, saw the proper potion and returned the rest with the house elf. He handed the potion to Lucius and took the bottle himself, he then cast a warming charm on it and stuck it into Draco's open mouth. Draco surprised at something now covering his mouth stopped screaming and began to suckle.

"Now that is taken care of, I need all of your reports. Severus you first, how are the potions I requested coming along.

"They should take several more weeks to finish brewing my lord, do you need my services for any other potions in addition to the ones you already have requested?"

"Perhaps you should look over Malfoy's stores, the stores would seem to be able to tell you more than me after all."

"Yes my lord, I will do it after the meeting."

"Good, now Bella report."

"The Longbottom House is being carefully watched my lord, it will not be easy to attack them."

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?" Voldemort demanded his magic flaring out from him and knocking over several deatheaters who did not brace themselves in time. "STILL I NEED TO ATTACK THEM! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD NEWS FOR ME, OR AM I SURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENCE?" No one spoke and Voldemort began to cast curses at them. Severus now really wished that he had thought never to report that idiotic prophesy to Voldemort. Now the already more than slightly mad Dark Lord was coming unhinged. He could do nothing but stand there, as Draco started to scream once more. He hated himself for it, knew that you weren't supposed to do such things to infants, but cast a silencing charm over Draco. Draco continued to scream and cry, his little face and body turning bright red from exertion, but all Severus could do was hold him. He held onto his godson, as Voldemort threw curses at everyone around him, before ultimately calming down.

"My Lord, will those you allowed to see your magnificent power be requiring potion as well?"

"No I do not want my death eaters to be as weak as lambs, we are going on a raid today!" Voldemort said and Severus nodded. Even though he privately thought that several of the death eaters were in no condition to be standing, let alone going on raids.

"Someone will have to stay behind with the baby, my lord." Severus said and Voldemort stared at him.

"Do not tell me what to do with my followers, surely that banshee can survive a few hours alone." Voldemort said, before Severus felt the familiar pain of the cruciatus. He refused to scream or fall to his knees, he held on tightly to the baby, as Voldemort held the curse. He wondered how much longer Voldemort would curse him for, as seconds seemed to turn into hours. Finally Voldemort released the curse and Severus felt the overpowering urge to curl into a ball and sleep. He could not tell the dark lord that babies had to be watched almost constantly and he feared for his godson. However self preservation stopped him from saying anything, something that disgusted him. "We are going to the home of Gracile Dejarvis, she has been vocal of late about us and deserves a lesson."

"Yes my lord." All the death eaters said in unison, though Severus wondered why thirty death eaters were nessasary for one household, he tapped his toes three times and a house elf tugged on his robes.

"Take care of the baby while we are gone, keep him out of sight until only Lucius and I are here." He said, before lying the infant down on some carpet and slowly getting back to his feet. Together the death eaters disapportated and reapporated at a manor house.

"Cast anti Appariton wards and disable the floo." Voldemort commanded and the death eaters rushed to do his bidding. Next Voldemort had them circle the house and light it on fire. Soon screams filled the air as people tried to rush out of the house, Voldemort cooly ordered whoever escaped to be killed on sight. Severus was glad that he was positioned, so he didn't have to do the killing. He saw a six year old carrying a year old baby struck down by the curse and fall on top of the infant, who cried until it too was silenced and then a ten year old tried to escape out his window on a broom near Severus. He stared at the boy, watched as his wand came up, as the curse was cast and the boy fell to the ground. No one was safe from Voldemort's madness and if he did not kill the boy, he would be punished. Still Severus felt sick as he stared at the mangled body of the child, hearing Bella laugh somewhere in the distance. His attention returned to the fire, slowly the screams died and he was so glad not to have to kill anymore that day. Voldemort then cast his mark and disapporated taking the other death eaters with him.

Severus felt nausea roll over him in waves, but he refused to succumb. Killing had never gotten easier for him, even though he had stopped counting the times. Severus knew that he was no wizard, that he was a monster. The meeting dispersed soon after and everyone left, but him and Lucius. By that time the shaking had started to return and Severus looked to his friend. "I would help you Lucius, if you have want of it." He offered and Lucius nodded, Severus was trembling himself and all he wanted was some Ogdons at the moment, though a part of him was thinking how pathetic he was and how like his father he had become. He managed to get Lucius to a bedroom and sat him down on the bed, he then summoned a house elf.

"Lucius is in no fit state to look after Draco, I want you to bring him to me so I can remove the silencing charm. After that get Lucius a sleeping potion and two pain potions." Severus instructed.

"Ogdons first, bring up three bottles." Lucius told the house elf and the creature disappeared. The baby and the whiskey arrived with two glasses. "Thank you Severus, you most probably saved Draco's life."

"I don't think that Voldemort would harm someone's heir."

"Can you be sure of that, because I can't be, not anymore." Lucius replied, as he poured the whiskey, nearly spilling the amber liquid. "I don't need a sleeping potion."

"Lucius, you are going to prefer to be out cold in a bit."

"I don't see why I can't just drink myself there." Lucius said and Severus poured himself a glass as the potions came. He removed the charm from Draco and instructed a house elf to take care of the boy. He knew that pain potion mixed with alcohol made a person drunk much faster, but he didn't have any choice. He needed the pain potion and he needed a chance to forget.

He knocked back the firewhiskey and poured himself another and another, until he could barely think to see past his hands, let alone any of that other stuff. Fire whiskey was the best thing ever, he looked over to Malfoy and grinned at him, Malfoy laughed and took another swig. "YA 'naow I Luv ya Ceus."

"You my friend have had too much, you never could hold your drink that well." Lucius said and Severus laughed.

"Ey oo ya nefea swure ya ourds."

"Because I do not wish to sound like an imbisile." Lucius replied and Severus frowned.

"Wh'a 'foath."

"Even I could not understand that Severus, I believe that you need to go home and sleep it off. I myself plan to drink more of this lovely firewhiskey." He said and Severus pouted.

"Ehy ya don' do tha' wif me?" He demanded and Lucius sighed.

"It should be a sign that I trust you, that I've allowed myself to get as drunk as I have. I don't trust anyone to the amount you seem to trust me. Though you never did tell me you had a son."

"Iessh sommut tha' appen, Lile naehded meh." Severus said and poured himself some more firewhiskey.

"I told you that you have had enough my friend, I do not wish to have to pick you up off the floor. Nor do I wish to share a bed with you and I do not think that I would be capable of moving in any event." Lucius said and took another swig of fire whiskey. "I should get you a portkey and hope that you make it to bed in one piece." He said and laughed, as if amused by his own joke.

"Ohkesh." Severus said and Lucius managed to snap his fingers after several tries.

"I need a portkey for Severus, to take him home."

"Yes Master." The house elf said and a moment later Severus had a personal portkey.

"Ghoodyahe Ceaus."

"Goodbye Severus." Lucius said and Severus heard him laughing as the world went black. He toppled to the ground a moment later when he arrived at the house.

"Severus?"

"Ilo Lilea." He said and smiled a dopey smile at her.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"I aeem besher fen Ashite, I aeem 'runak." He said and Lily stared at him.

"Have you been cursed?" She asked, then smelled him. "You have been drinking haven't you?"

"Onhee a 'ittle." He said wavering on his feet, Lily stared at him. He had to have a reason to drink so much, but she didn't want to know what it was.

"Come on Sev, lets get you to the bed."

"Na' shleepsshes. Wha' ta 'al." Severus said.

"I can't understand you Sev." Lily said and saw the tell tale shaking, it was better if Severus remained drunk, being drunk would dull the pain of the after effects. Or at least that is what Lily had heard previously. She cast a spell that would allow him to speak normally, so she could understand him, instead of listening to his slurred speech.

"Where's Harry, Draco's not as cute as him."

"Harry is in his crib sleeping Severus and you shouldn't hold him right now." She told him and Severus actually pouted, she stared at him in confusion.

"You are so pretty Lily, prettier then a flower." Severus said and Lily stared at him, as he drunkenly came up to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Pretty Lily, don't deserve you, I'm bad."

"You aren't bad Sev, can you let me go now?" She asked and he shook his head.

"Don't want to, you smell nice." He said and Lily stared at him, he was stronger then her and she couldn't win against him in a fight. Even though a part of her knew that Severus would never hurt her, still she didn't want to be trapped by his arms. "I kill people Lily, cause the Dark Lord would kill me if I didn't. I've got blood on my hands, all over my hands and I don't understand why you would come to me. I'm so bad!" He said and started to cry, she stared at him for a moment, before wrapping her arms around him. There was nothing else she could do tapped as she was. She wanted to be away from him, knowing that he had killed before...That he had taken a life, that was hard for her to hear. Even though he had said that it was kill or be killed, still he had done it. She didn't know what to say, or do. There was Severus her friend, then there was this Severus the one with blood on his hands. She didn't say anything, instead she gently pulled him towards the bedroom.

"Now Sev, I think it would be nice for you to have a bit of a lie down." Lily told him gently.

"No, I'm not sleepy, wanna be with you." He said still clinging to her, she sat down on the bed and pulled him with her. He landed on top of her and giggled. "You are so pretty." He said and kissed her on the mouth before patting her cheek. "Pretty Lily." He said and Lily felt dazed for a moment, he had kissed her, it tasted like firewhiskey, but despite that she felt a warmth growing in her chest and started to panic.

_No not again, I can't fall in love, I can't be trapped again." _She thought before looking up at Severus. "Sev can you let go of me now, you're crushing me."

"Don't wanna let go of you, stay here please?" Severus asked. "Like you did before, you keep the nightmares away, I know you must be spending nights in my bed." He said and giggled. "That sounds wonderful doesn't it, you spending nights in my bed."

"Severus I..." Lily said, she had no idea of what to say.

"You take away the bad dreams, I dream about Voldemort and killing people and my father. They won't leave me alone, but you let me sleep...I haven't been able to sleep well in years and now..." He trailed off. "You are so very pretty, I don't deserve you, my pretty Lily. I wonder if you like lillies, I could get you some if you like. I'd get you a whole truck load, flowers for my pretty Lily." He said and Lily laughed.

"I actually don't like lilles Severus, they smell bad." Lily said. "Can you get off of me?"

"I don't wanna, cause if I do, then you will leave and I don't want you to go. I killed a boy today, killed him as he was trying to escape, he was only ten years old. He wasn't even old enough to go to Hogwarts and I killed him, I'm bad Lily. You should stay away from me, but I don't want you to leave. These last weeks have been the happiest in my life, I don't want them to be over." He frowned, she stared at him, her heart going out to him. She hoped that she would never have to kill another human being. "Why am I speaking so clearly to you, I'm drunk I shouldn't be talking like this."

"I said a spell so I could understand you Sev, I can't really understand what your saying when you are this drunk." She told him and he nodded, as Harry started to cry.

"Who's that?" He asked and she smiled.

"That's Harry, I will go get him." Lily said and moved into the nursery, she picked up Harry changed him and walked back to Severus. He had killed a boy, that boy could have easily been her son. She couldn't understand how he could do something, when he acted so differently around her. She wondered for a moment, which was the act and what was the true Severus. Still either way he was a killer and she should leave him, but she couldn't at the same time. Severus needed her and she could never turn away anyone that needed her. She walked back to the room slowly and stared at Severus, who had fallen asleep while she had been gone. He was snoring incredibly loudly and she stared at him. This man was so confusing, so hard to understand and yet she longed to truly know him. He was a killer and yet she would stand by him. She didn't understand why she couldn't leave Severus, even if he needed her she should go...But she felt as though he would take a part of her heart with him.

Severus moaned in his sleep and Lily hesitated for a moment, Harry was crying but she had a feeling that Severus was passed out and wouldn't be waking any time soon. She gave Harry her breast, holding him with one hand, while she stroked back Severus' hair with the other, until he settled down once more. "Poor Sev, Harry Daddy isn't feeling very well so you have got to be a good little boy." She told him and the baby just stared up at her, his eyes still unfocused. "That's my good boy, just drink some more and go to sleep." She said and gently stroked Harry's head, the skin was so very soft and new. "I love you baby." She told him and kissed the top of his head, eventually Harry's eyes closed and he stopped suckling, his breathing deepened and he started to make his snuffling snores. She smiled down at him a moment, before gently laying him down on the corner of the bed. She cast protective spells around him, before going over to Severus. She gently took off his shoes and cloak, only managing to do so with a levitating spell. After he was in only black jeans and a shirt, she transfigured the pants into pajama pants. It was later then she normally stayed up, as she had been waiting for Severus and couldn't sleep until he came home.

He started to moan again and she gently settled him on the bed. She held on to him, waiting for him to settle which he did eventually, before rolling over and wrapping his arm around her, his face was nestled against her shoulder and he seemed to relax almost instantly. She felt somehow safe in his arms, she didn't want to disturb him, so she transfigured her clothes into pajamas and fell asleep listening to his snoring.

She awoke five or six hours later and looked directly into Severus' sleeping face. She hesitated a moment, before She held out a hand and gently ran it down his face. He didn't stir and she smiled softly, moving back a bit to watch him as he slept. She wanted to feel that warmth again and that sense of connection, so she hesitantly kissed him on the lips. His lips were soft and sleep slackened, unlike they had been only an hour before, they were sweet and tasted of firewhiskey at the same time. Again the warmth filled her from the inside out and she felt fantastic. She had never felt this before, not even with James. She hesitated a moment, before kissing him again and feeling more daring, put her tongue into his mouth. He tasted of firewhiskey and she felt wonderful, kissing Severus was like a drug, now that she had tried it she wanted more. She didn't understand why she felt this way, but decided to go with it. Severus moaned softly in his sleep and she wrapped an arm around him.

"Lily." He sighed, his lips pursing a moment before relaxing again and she stared at him confused. She shouldn't be so close to him, her body was pressed up against his and she didn't feel entirely comfortable with that. What was more unsettling was the fact that Severus was becoming aroused, she didn't know how to handle that, but she felt the change in his body. She wondered for a moment what he was dreaming about, but then realized that it was all too obvious. She backed away from him, suddenly intimidated. James had been the only one that she had seen aroused before, the only one she had sex with and the only one she had kissed. She stared at Severus, before hastily moving back from him, she had been happy with James. She had liked to pleasure him and receive pleasure in return, but it had not been of her own free will.

She watched Severus, as his hips bucked slightly and he moaned and twisted in the sheets. She had no idea what to do, his dream was making her feel uncomfortable and turned on. Which in turn made her even more uncomfortable, as she didn't really trust her own reaction. She found herself wedged against Harry, uncertain of what to do. She looked down at the infant, peacefully asleep and smiled softly. Suddenly Severus arched on the bed and his eyes snapped open.

"Lily?" He asked. "Was that a dream?"

"It was Sev, go back to sleep, you are drunk." Lily said and he stared at her, huddled beside Harry, he could see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"I'd never do that to you Lily, I would never take a woman without her consent. You don't need to fear me, I'm a man and I have needs...But I can satisfy those with my own hand, your friendship is more important to me than any sexual encounter that may happen."

"You mean your love for me is more important don't you Sev?" Lily asked and he stared at her a moment, before nodding.

"Yes, I suppose that's what I mean...I think I'm pretty much sober now, its been several hours since I fell asleep hasn't it." He asked and Lily nodded. "What did I say to you? I don't remember."

"You called me pretty Lily and offered to buy me flowers, it was sweet Sev." She said and he groaned.

"I sound like a right idiot." He said and Lily laughed.

"You weren't that bad, though we should try to get some more sleep. I'll stay with and keep the nightmares at bay, but you need to change your pajamas first." She said and he blushed.

"Um, I didn't well...I didn't get all the way, the pajamas are fine." He said. "I've lost my erection if that's what worries you and I don't blame you with what happened with James. I just need someone to hold me right now." He admitted and Lily stared at his face, noticing that he was moments from breaking down. At that moment Harry started to cry and she picked him up. She was surprised that Harry hadn't woken them up before this. She smiled down at the baby and turned her back on Severus, feeding him and changing him, before cradling him in her arms, as Severus watched them both. "You are a wonderful mother Lily."

"I'm pretty new at it, but thanks Sev, I appreciate you saying so." She said and smiled at him, before returning to rocking Harry. Harry fell asleep after a few minutes and she laid him down, before reapplying the safety spells. "Severus I want you to know that I think you are a good person, I know I've most probably said it before...But I will say it again, you are good Severus. Good people are sometimes forced to do bad things, but you shouldn't blame yourself for wanting to live. Those people you killed, were already marked for death by Voldemort, he would have tracked them down eventually."

"How can you say that Lily?" Severus demanded.

"I say it because its true, when it comes down to it...Its either their life or yours, you don't have a choice...Just like you don't have a choice in leaving Voldemort. I wish you could be free Sev, free to live your own life, how you choose."

"I gave my choice away, before I even knew I had it. Don't try to make excuses for me Lily, I am a monster."

"Are Aurors monsters? What about the order? To your thinking is everyone that harms another for the sake of themselves a monster? Then there are few people out there that aren't monsters. You were a young boy that was tricked into making a bad decision, its not your fault."

"It is my fault, because I stay. I stay as the other death eaters do, even though those with half a brain know that we serve a madman...Because I am too afraid of my own end, to leave."

"Oh Severus." Lily said and wrapped her arms around him, she felt him shaking and pulled back for a moment. "Sev do you need..."She trailed off as she saw the tears in his eyes and held him as he cried. It was the only thing she could think of to do for him. Yes she was bothered by the fact that Severus killed people, but what bothered her more was that he was forced to do so. She could only hold him until his tears stopped, then she pulled back and wiped at his face. "You are not a monster Sev, you could never be, because a monster wouldn't be crying now." She told him and kissed his forehead. "Get some sleep." She said and moved so her body was touching his, arms settled around her and she smiled at him, before closing her eyes and taking her wand from her pajama pants, cast a sleeping spell she had found while reading. He sighed as his eyes closed and his arms loosed around her, as he started to snore, she smiled and closed her own eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Lily woke the next day to Harry crying, Severus was still deeply asleep, as he would remain until the spell she had put on him was countered. She picked up Harry and fed and changed him, before laying him back down on the bed and placing the safety spells around him. She then turned to Severus and gently stroked his head. She wished that he could continue to sleep peacefully, while she worked in the other room. Still she knew that his nightmares would return and she didn't want him to suffer. She wanted him to have the respite, while asleep, that he wouldn't allow himself once he woke.

She hesitated a moment, before kissing his lips. He mumbled something and she smiled down at him. She knew what he had done, but she also knew that he had no choice but to do it. He too was a victim in all of this, being forced to take another's life. She wished that he would never have to kill or torture another person again, because she saw how it affected him. She knew that Severus didn't like to kill others, or torture them. His choices had been taken away from him, by Lord Voldemort.

She decided to make him breakfast in bed and left a monitoring charm in the bedroom, as she went to the kitchen. She cooked for them, before levitating it back to the bed, she then muttered the counter spell and his eyes flickered open. He stared at her and she smiled at him. "I thought it might be fun to eat in bed today."

"I don't feel like eating, thank you though Lily." He said and she looked into his eyes.

"You need to eat Sev, punishing yourself won't bring back that boy. He was going to die anyway, you know that, it wasn't your fault."

"How can you say that when I killed him?"

"Because you had to Sev, not because you wanted to...Because you had no choice and to save your own life you ended his. I know that this will always hurt and I can't imagine your pain. At the same time you need to live, so that boy's death wasn't in vain."

"What would you know of killing Lily, how would you know what it feels like to take a life?"

"I don't Severus, but I want you to know that I don't think you are a monster. Voldemort is the monster, not you...Never you." She said and smiled at him, he stared at her a moment.

"Thank you Lily, but a boy is dead because of me."

"A boy is dead because of Voldemort, if you could have saved that child, you would have. If it had not been you, it would have been someone else. Someone who might not have had the kindness to make it quick and painless." She told him and he stared at her.

"How can you say that? How can you believe that, when a boy is dead because of me."

"Sev, you need to eat, you can't punish yourself like this. Hurting yourself won't bring that boy back."

"But Lily..."

"No Sev, you eat and then we'll go out to Diagon Ally. I need a break from staying in the house all the time anyway."

"Its not safe, not until the Potters agree to swear not to harm you or Harry." Severus told her. "I will go to the bonders and make the potion, then we can go out tomorrow."

"Are you up for making potions today Sev?" She asked.

"Brewing distracts me from the things I've seen...And done." Severus replied. "Right now I need a distraction."

"Alright Sev, just don't push yourself too hard." She told him before taking one of Harry's hairs, Harry started screaming as she conjured a small bag and handed it to Severus. He took it and she calmed the baby, by rocking him until he settled. She then fed him and was surprised that his eyes didn't close after he had eaten. "Well Harry, why don't we get one of Daddy's potion books and read together." She said and smiled at the baby, before walking into the other room and selecting a book at random. She read to Harry, until he fell asleep again, she put him down on the couch and set the protective spells around him. She then went to the kitchen and decided to bake, she made brownies and apple fritters. She had always enjoyed baking and often did it when she was upset. She then remembered a potion that she had seen, she knew that Severus would never forgive himself and decided to make it. It was a potion that made someone forget the last twenty four hours. She finished the potion several hours later and took a small vial from the cauldron. She then poured the vial over one of the brownies and put it on a plate. Severus came back from the brewing looking exhausted.

"Sev, come try these brownies." Lily said from the other room and handed the one she had spiked to Severus, he ate it mechanicaly until his eyes closed and he swayed slightly on his feet, before falling to the ground. "Severus!" Lily said and Severus' eyes opened, he groaned and sat up.

"What happened, the last thing I remember was trying to help Draco." He said confused.

"I think Voldemort cursed you, you haven't woken for the last twenty four hours. I finished the potion for you and took Harry with me to the bonders. I was so afraid Sev, but there was nothing I could do and I needed to make sure Harry was safe."

"Its alright, I'm fine and that's what's important. Where is Harry anyway?" He asked.

"He's on the couch." Lily replied and he smiled at her, before going over to the baby and picking him up, he bent and smelled Harry's head, before kissing him on the forehead.

"I don't know what to do Lily, I can't stay loyal to Voldemort, not after what he almost did to Draco. Its clear that he isn't sane and I don't want my godson to grow up around that monster. Yet at the same time, I don't trust Dumbledor, or the order."

"If he really did threaten Draco, he's more insane than anyone has realized. I don't know much about the wizard world, but I do know that threatening someone's heir is a grave offense. You would have to be crazy to threaten a little boy." She said and Severus nodded. "I'm sure you can think of some way to protect Draco and yourself. I just don't want you to get hurt Sev and this is tearing you apart. I've heard the nightmares you have, no one should have to go through that."

"My nightmares are my own, you shouldn't consern yourself with them Lily."

"How can I be anything other than conserned, when my friend is obviously in pain."

"Is that truly all I am to you, a friend?" Severus asked and Lily stared at him, she saw the hurt in his eyes.

"I don't know Severus, but after James I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone for a while. The thought of loving someone frightens me, no matter how much you tell me you aren't like James. No matter how much I tell myself that, I still feel scared when I think of loving a man again." She told him and his arms wrapped around her.

"I know I said that we could just be friends, but this feels right. I want to hold you, to sleep beside you every night...To kiss you and know that I'm yours and you're mine and we'll always be together." He said and she knew how hard it was for him to say those words. Growing up Severus had been taught not to show his emotions, but around her he was himself, he laughed and he cried. "I'm afraid too Lily, you aren't the only one. I love you so much Lily, it feels as though I always have and I'm afraid that you will never be able to love me back. That you can't love me because of what Potter did to you, but know no matter what happens I will always love you."

"Oh Sev." Lily said.

"Don't, just don't...I don't need your sympathy, I need you. Before I met you only my mother really cared about me, or was kind to me. You're the only one other than my mother, that I could trust to see me. I need you Lily, its like your my air, I can't breathe without you. I don't live, I just exist and I'm tired of just existing, I've done it for so long." He said and then turned away and walked from the room, Lily stared after him. She was hurting him, by her indecison, she was hurting a good man, because she couldn't be strong enough to get over what Potter had done to her. She stared after him, longing to have him back at her side and she watched in silence as he went to his potion lab to brew. She then turned from him and started to cook dinner, a few minutes later Harry woke up and started crying.

She went over to the baby and fed and changed him, before taking him with her into the kitchen. She finished cooking with him in her arms and knocked on the door to the potion lab. "Severus?" She called, but didn't hear an answer. "Sev, dinner is ready." She told him and again there was no response. "I'll just put a warming charm on it then and you can eat it when you get hungry." She offered, before leaving and going back to the table. Harry was staring up at her and she smiled at him, before starting to eat.

After she cleaned up everything but Severus' plate, she decided to read some and wait for him to exit the lab. She read for several hours, but he didn't come up. Finally she decided to open the lab door, she set Harry down and unlocked the door. She saw Severus standing over a cauldron stirring, tears running down his cheeks before they vanished. "Sev, you shouldn't be brewing that now, come up and get some food." She told him gently.

"Now you care?" He asked, his voice seemed broken, she had broken this proud man.

"I care about you Sev, of course I care about you." Lily said and went over to him. "You know the dangers of brewing while your emotions are high, you should wait until you calm down."

"Calm down? How can I be calm, when there's a dark lord forcing me to brew horrible potions? When I'm in love with my best friend and she doesn't love me because another man decided to hurt her? How can I be calm when people I care about are in danger? When I'm on the wrong side of the war and with no way out? Tell me Lily, how can I be calm."

"I don't know Severus, but you shouldn't be brewing at the moment. You don't want to botch that potion now and you need to eat." She told him gently. "Come on Sev, a stasis charm should hold it, until you've eaten and gotten some decent sleep." He stared at her in bewilderment. "Working till you drop from hunger and exhaustion isn't going to help anything or anyone." She added and held out her hand. "Come on Sev, I'm tired and I can't sleep very well without you anymore." She said and he stared at her. "I stared sleeping in your bed, to comfort you, but it comforts me as well and I think that I wouldn't get a proper night's sleep without hearing you snoring beside me." She said and he sighed, before casting a stasis charm and following her to the kitchen. He sat down and ate his meal and cleaned up the last dish.

"That was good, thank you Lily." He said and she smiled at him, before going to her room to change. She finished changing and picked Harry up from the couch, cradling him gently in her arms, as she walked to the Severus' bedroom. She knocked on the door and he answered it a moment later, he was wearing his pajamas and he smiled at her. She felt her her heart melt, from just looking at him. He seemed so fragile in that moment, someone just asking to be loved. She laid down in the bed on her back, with Harry on her stomach and he laid down beside her, on his side and wrapped his arms around them both.

"Goodnight Severus."

"Goodnight Lily." Severus replied and closed his eyes, it was strange to her how safe she felt in his arms. Soon Severus fell asleep and Lily cast the sleeping spell to make sure that he wouldn't wake up. She gently ran a hand through his hair, pulling back to smell the familar scent of brewing gel. She smiled softly, before removing his arms from around her and picking up Harry. She set him off to the side and turned on the lights. She watched Severus sleep a moment more, yes this man was someone she could love. If she allowed herself to get over James Potter and what he had done to her. James could no longer control her life, she wouldn't allow him to control who she loved either. She hesitated a moment, before kissing Severus' lips gently. The warmth filled her up inside and out, she loved the feel of it. It had never been like this with James, she had never felt the rightness of it when she kissed him. Severus mumbled something in his sleep and she stroked his back gently, until he was quiet once more. She hesitated a moment, she needed to get over her fear, to do that she needed to touch him, to feel how unlike James he was. She slowly caressed his face, it was so different then James'. It was angular, rather then round and the nose that stood like a tall peak in the center of it. She hesitated a moment, before pinching Severus' nose and laughed as he snorted, before snoring loudly through his mouth. She hesitated another moment, before kissing him, letting go of his nose, as she felt his mouth. His mouth remained open, while she kissed him, feeling inside his mouth with her tongue. Here too he was different then James, kissing Severus felt like the most natural thing in the world to her.

She backed away and smiled at him, he looked ridiculous with his mouth open like that. She then cast a levitating and unbuttoned the top button on his shirt, she felt his shoulders, they were skinny and had a bit of muscel to them, but not as much as James had. She felt his arms next, they were skinny, but also strong from brewing. His fingers were longer then James' had been, she felt each one gently, before moving her hands slowly down his back. His skin was softer then James had been, she moved her hands to his frount. James had a six pack and had been hairy on his chest, Severus however was smooth. Severus sighed softly and she smiled, watching him sleep. She then moved to his feet, they were more sensitive then James, as he laughed in his sleep and tried to pull them away from her. She would have to remember that in future. She then moved up his legs, Severus' legs were strong and she felt the muscle, but again James had been more muscular. She hesitated once she got to his upper thigh, she didn't feel right about touching him intemently, so she stopped. She knew now that his body was nothing like James'. She gently laid him back down and took Harry, putting the baby on her chest and casting the protective spells to make sure he was safe, she then closed her eyes and fell asleep.


End file.
